Moving Right Along...

One year ago our family moved to a new part of the country. Over the years my husband and I have moved six times. During our seminary years we helped other families pack, clean and move in and out of homes and apartments. Moving is never easy but the more prepared you are the easier it is on you, your family, your pets and your friends. 

The news of moving was usually met with mixed emotions for our children. The excitement of a new place to live, the expectation of meeting new people and seeing new places always mixed with the reality of saying good-bye. As a family we were sensitive to each other's feelings and did a lot of discussing around the dinner table. We made sure to plan time to visit some of our favorite places and pack a souvenir or two for our new place. We gathered with friends and made the most of the time we had left together.

I remind myself when the packing process is in full swing that the home is going to look like organized chaos. If I am doing the packing myself I give myself at least a month to pack a house well. It becomes a part time job for me. I like to go room to room and sort through whatever can be trashed, recycled, donated, or sold. My best method is to "pack to unpack." This way we are bringing what we really will use and it is packed in an organized way ready to be put away in our new place. If I use my time well on the packing end the unpacking usually is done in less than two weeks.

I use extra dish towels, wash cloths, towels, beach towels, and blankets when packing fragile items. We use plain paper rather than newspaper to keep ink off of our items. Bubble wrap is a fun to have in the house while packing. It is a challenge for us not to pop it ahead of time. The children look forward to playing with it while unpacking. 

I like to start with any areas of storage such as our garage so that we can continue to add items there especially if we are in the process of staging and showing our home.  Starting with all items that are not needed in the next month and working your way down to the essentials works best. I make a list on my fridge of each room and any areas that need to be packed and work on a part of the list each day. I keep a container of packing tape rolls, dispensers, sharpie markers, memo pad, and scissors with me as I work. We switch our meals to paper goods once the kitchen is packed. We keep one set of dishes and utensils and a pot or two to use at our new place right away.

There will be moments the change may hit you emotionally. Take the time to cry, to talk it out with a loved one and pray for strength and guidance as you take one day at a time. The Lord is not wringing His hands and will guide you to your new place.

Children can be a help during the moving process. If you have grade school children or older they will do better with the move if given tasks that can help the family. One of our children researched with their siblings all the points of interest at our new place. The kids were helpful with touching up paint, wiping down baseboards, cleaning up flower beds, sweeping, vacuuming, and assembling boxes to name a few jobs. We made sure there were times to rest and play to help pace ourselves.

By the time the truck was ready to be loaded everything was ready to go. The only items left to pack were what we would be driving ourselves. We were able to do a final cleaning and have a "clean out the fridge meal" together.

Seeing all the boxes that need to be unpacked on the other end can feel a bit weary at first but if you pack well you will find that the process will move along. Even after sorting through and giving items away beforehand I still end up laughing at some point and asking myself, "Now why did we bring this?"

It takes time to settle into a new place. For us, it usually takes a year to feel completely at home. Hosting people in our new place helps. Holidays and our traditions throughout the year adds memories to our home. We encourage each other to be thankful for what we have together.

 

Even our pets need some extra TLC when we are in the moving process. I am happy to say our two cats did well and enjoyed the boxes everywhere for a time. I even taped some large boxes together to create a tunnel for the kids and the pets to enjoy.

If the Lord is calling you to a new place look to Him for the strength and wisdom you need. Friendships, old and new, always pick up where you leave off. If you are doing the packing yourself be sure to give yourself plenty of time and supplies. You will be glad you paced yourself over the weeks and you will fill your new place with what you really want. Our moves have never been easy but they have been a memorable time for us as a family.

Your Husband's Gift

I asked my husband to tell me a few ways I have helped our marriage be what it is today. These hands are a testimony of a relationship over twenty years in the making. If you are newly married, struggling with marriage, or desire one day to be married, here are some of the encouragements from one husband to his wife.

"You make the home a place I want to come home to. It is peaceful, welcoming, comfortable and a place I can relax."

"You have helped to build trust in our marriage by being honest, following through when I ask you to do something for me, and by being careful not to bash me in public."

"How you manage our home shows a true demonstration of your concern, commitment, and love for our family."

"You are striving to be transformed by the renewing of your mind to put off the 'old man' and live by the Spirit. You are soft-spoken, friendly, and happy which makes it pleasant to listen to you."

"You are a gift to me and I want to treasure that gift."

I wasn't always deserving of such statements and during the first years of our marriage struggled with the key marriage buster-selfishness. Mutual selfishness does not equal a true marriage and yet this is what the world encourages couples to maintain.

So what brought me out of my loud, bashing, self-pitying, wretched, untrustworthy, temper-tantrum throwing, demanding, self? A widow.

The Lord placed a dear widow as the leader of a Bible study group I was attending. She had recently lost her husband to Alzheimer's. She shared a story I will never forget. She said that when she was newly married her husband would lay his clothes all about on the floor rather than put them where they belonged. One day she was so fed up that she literally threw them all out the second story window to the muddy ground below. We all laughed thinking how this sweet leader of ours was so honest about her tempermental moment of so long ago. But then she put her eyes downward into her lap, lowered her voice and quietly said, "I would put up with all his clothes lying around today if I could be with him again."

That did it! We were all in tears. I went home that day knowing what I was going to do. I was going to hug that sweet man of mine as soon as he walked in the door. I was going to pick up his clothes for him and whatever else he needed me to do and do so with a grateful heart. God had given me a gift and I needed to be thankful.

We have been through the many ups and downs that couples face: the financial stresses, the illnesses, the job loss, the moves, the second career, the calling of parenting, the ministry stresses, the calling to the church, to name just a few. We would not change a thing because all trials are ordained by a sovereign God who gives us the grace we need and deems it for our good.

The key to "us" is we fight for our marriage. That means we are committed to it more than to our own selves. We made a vow, "till death do us part" and we live like it! This involves a lot of honest, face to face, iron sharpens iron communication. Each of us communicates differently, so over the years we have learned how the other person explains or speaks. We trust what one is saying is not meant to be mean but just said differently.

Learn what your spouse is trying to say to you. Don't jump to conclusions. Take the time to clarify, take the time to be honest, keep the emotions level, and most, importantly, don't discuss something too deep late at night. That last one is a rule we set in our home.

On our twentieth anniversary we were in the middle of a trying time at home. My husband was working full-time while attending seminary as well as serving as an elder in the church. We did not have the time or money to get away. We went to the park, took a walk, and had a meal together. It didn't matter. We had us.

When the foundation of your marriage is a commitment to each other, when Christ is your head, and the scriptures your guide, when you pray for and with one another and build a trust as best of friends, you will get through the thick and thin of it all. Do not sell your marriage short over selfishness and worldliness. Find godly couples that inspire you to press on. Keep your relationship uniquely "you" and just between you. Your children will benefit from your example and glean from the trusting, loving, peaceful place you build together.

"Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33 NKJV).

Homemaking from the Heart

The Lord created the world in which we live and called it good. We serve a perfect God who created an orderly world with beautiful detail. The order of our homes should reflect our gratitude to God for what He has lovingly given us to enjoy each day.

 

As the season of Fall approaches it is the time in our home to start a new chore schedule. Everyone in our home has assigned daily chores. Chores are taught at an early age and are modeled by us parents. This includes our attitude toward work and our willingness to serve others. As the saying goes, "Many hands make light work."

Children here are taught to take the emotion out of work. It is not about, "I don't feel like it." It is about, "This is what I ought to do." Children learn that a poorly done job or even an ignored one will affect everyone. For example, a table that has not been wiped after meal time will be an unpleasant place to eat at later. 

The Lord gives us each day, from dawn to dusk, to accomplish all that we are called to do. When I awake, I pray for strength and wisdom to prioritize my day. Instead of wringing my hands, fretting, or feeling sorry for myself, I give thanks for the day and know that the Lord does not give me more work than I can handle. He blesses those who trust in Him and who work with a cheerful and grateful heart.

Sometimes I like to enter a room and look around to see what needs to be put in a better place. Are toys being put away correctly? Have the shoes been returned to the cubbie or closet? Are the library books back in the front hall? When we moved, as the photo above shows, we had the advantage of working with a blank slate. As we unpacked we decided where everything would go. In our home we strive for the motto, "Everything has its place."

Fall is a good time to plan ahead and "take on" a whole room or two and bring it to a state of order and cleanliness. The goal is to dwindle things down to what you want, what you use, or what you need and then put them away in a purposeful place.

Over the years, our children have been learning how to throw away trash, recycle or reuse things, as well as give away what they truly do not need. In their own rooms, they learn each year how to care for items in a way that promotes habits of responsibility and good stewardship. A child's bedroom is the training ground for the care of a future home.

Clean, orderly homes reflect clean, orderly hearts and minds. Clutter equals chaos. Starting with the coffee table you can easily find pleasure in creating a clean, pleasant place for everyone to enjoy.

The daily tasks of meals, laundry, and dishes can be done quickly and efficiently if you do them out of habit each day. The more you practice, the easier it will become. There does not have to be a weary sigh or an online post when you do the daily chores. It has been done before (even without electricity and running water) and it is our duty.

We can do our work in such a way that we don't even have to think about it. This way we can do our tasks while chatting with a child or taking time to pray. We can enjoy working side by side with someone doing the most basic chores like folding laundry or doing the dishes. Doing the dinner dishes with my husband is an opportunity to catch up and laugh about something from the day.

The Lord blesses us with bounty each season. I often decorate with a bowl of fruit for my family to enjoy as a reminder of His goodness to us. Take delight in what He provides for your home and be thankful. If you have been blessed with more, then give to others in need. You cannot out-give God. He often returns blessings to our home when we bless others.

Pray for a heart that is willing to work. We should not look at housework as a punishment, or something to be ignored. All of us women have been called by the Lord in His word to be busy at home. It is our privilege and our duty.

Your work may have piled up around you from your own neglect of this duty. Like the old saying goes, "eat the elephant one bite at a time", but do so depending on the Lord's strength. Ask for His forgiveness if you have been lazy, if you have been dwelling or fretting to the point of not taking care of your home. Lay these burdens in His sovereign hands by praying, then get up and get moving! Work at whatever pace is best for you, but move forward each day in His strength. 

Work before pleasure is always the best way. Everyone who has hands can either use them or fold them. Your hands and heart are connected in this way. It may start slow, but in time you will find a precious delight in serving others over yourself and enjoying your sweet home to the fullest. 

Besides our daily tasks and weekly cleaning, Fall is a time we take on a project such as painting a room or improving a part of our home. Do so with a good attitude and find the fun in it! I close this post with the verse I sometimes include on the bottom of our chore chart at home.

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him" (Colossians 3:17).

Happy homemaking dear ones!

A Pure Haven

The pear tree in our backyard is a blessing to us. We took this photo last fall as we gathered all the ripe pears to enjoy as a family. Not all of the pears on the tree were good; some were blemished, bug-ridden, or rotten to the core. Those pears were left for the squirrels or tossed away. We gathered only the good fruit. We were thankful for the fruit that had grown so beautifully and we enjoyed its sweet goodness.

In our homes, we should be striving for purity that reflects the goodness of the Lord. It matters what we choose to think about during the day. What we watch or read or listen to in our spare time will have an effect on how we relate to one another.

My favorite verse to help keep my mind in check is Philippians 4:8 which states, "Finally, brethern, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things."

Desiring purity, things that are lovely, and remembering what is true are just some of the ways that build a peaceful, God-honoring home. Often my husband will sit down with me at the end of the day and say, "I love our home. It is so peaceful here." We should desire our homes to be a haven, a respite, and a place that nurtures our spiritual growth.

This vase of flowers picked by a sweet friend at our church helped get my thoughts flowing this week. The flowers had been there since the previous week so the vase water had become greenish, the leaves under the water had become slimy, the petals were falling off on some of the stems, and the once beautiful bouquet was fading. I thought of the verse that says, "The grass withers, and the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever " (Isaiah 40:8 NKJV).

I managed to rinse out the vase, pull off the old leaves, pluck off the old petals, and rearrange the bouquet in fresh water as pictured above. What a difference! The arrangement graced the lunch table one more time almost as beautifully as it had the previous week. 

Like the reviving of this bouquet, how much more does the Lord do for us who are repentant of our sinful ways and desire to be pure, God-honoring and lovely. When we meditate on these truths it should spring in us a desire to be more like Him. We should fill our minds with good things, not things that are rotten, worldly, or lustful.  May we fill our hearts and homes with things that are clean, uplifting, kind, and pure and be blessed with homes that are truly a haven. 

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10).

Memories that Matter

We took a trip down memory lane prior to starting another school year by looking through old photos. I simply listened as I scrolled to what my children said. I paid attention to the "Oh! I remember that!" and what they discussed that mattered to them. These were moments I thought could be easily forgotten because they were everyday happenings or because the kids were little and their interests changed so quickly through the years. This post is to encourage the moms in the daily routine with little ones to keep on keeping on because what you do is not going to go unnoticed.

Whenever one of my children reached their first birthday and became more mobile I knew we were entering what I called the "certified home wrecker stage." This could last up to the next 6 months or more as they had self-appointed permission to anything on their level. We taught them over time where they could and could not play.

Items were placed higher. Almost all my decorating and home decor became eye level. Our biggest hurdle was the Christmas tree.  Our children did not want to just decorate it once. That seemed like a fun activity so "Let's do that everyday and place all the ornaments we can reach in one spot." We provided a little tree for them to decorate and undecorate in their room.

We gave up on kitchen cabinet locks after the first child and just gave our little one a cabinet for him or her to squirrel away treasures and play in during those days. It kept them occupied while I was busy in the kitchen. I always had to keep an eye on the dishwasher and the trashcan and what was being added to it by an imitating "helper."

I learned quickly that comfortable, inexpensive play clothes for everyday play were the best option. I chose clothes that were easy to put on and take off so they could try to dress themselves. Holes in the knees happen. There is a lot of scooting and crawling while pushing toys and playing together. My kids were thankful that they could just play!

 

"Mom, guess what? Mom! Look at this! Why, Mom? But why?"
 Lots and lots of chatter, talking, and thinking out loud took place for several years, and sometimes it still does. I kept a composition book for each child on my kitchen counter to quick jot down funny pronunciations, sayings and moments that took place while Daddy was working. We still read these memories aloud and love having a record of the early days. Take some time to listen to your talkative ones and encourage your quieter ones to chat with you. Even your tweens and teens will appreciate it.

There are some things that just pass down in childhood. One is the "train" of chairs when someone is mopping the kitchen floor.

Getting rides from siblings or friends is another one of those simple memories for all our kids.

 

Baking with my children was honestly a messy time that required patience, but I am so glad we took the time to do this!

There are those moments with school that you decide to go the extra mile like listening to the beginnings of learning the recorder.

Playtime in our home took place in "pockets of play." My rule of thumb when playing at home was as long as it was safe and not too difficult to clean up, then I encouraged it. It didn't matter if it was a box of random treasures, or as in the photo above, a pile of foam stickers, or something other than the typical "educational" toy. Our children learned to entertain themselves and knew I respected their imagination.

Messes were expected with little ones. They tried to help and I tried to keep a sense of humor!

When our children needed to find something quiet to do they would come up with some of the most interesting ways to use their time.

Our coffee table was and still is a play table. Thankfully, we have a sturdy table that has withstood the wear and tear of a well-used place of entertainment.

"Flowers" from your children will always be special. I kept little pretty containers on my windowsill for the endearing gifts my children would bring to me.

Illness happens with little ones and you become a part-time nurse some seasons. Expect that someone will be ill during travel and just roll with it. Keep little ones comfortable and enjoy the snuggles.

As our children grew older we kept encouraging creative simple play.

Outings for the day were never a dull moment. With multiple children we learned to just let them nap along the way.

Field trips and family outings required a lot of prep and were, honestly, more tiring for us than the kids. There were trips that we had to keep a sense of humor because it felt like we were herding cats. The kids thankfully look back on our photos and see a better memory. It matters.

Little ones meant we had "baby birds". We learned that they would love to eat or have what we had.

Special toys and stuffed animals are still with us.  We have moved several times and each child has their own memory box and stash of items that travel from house to house. It is amazing how your teens hold onto a special something that transports you back in time.

Daddy was always busy. Job changes, teaching, and being an elder, a camp director, a seminary student, and a pastor respectively had him spinning plates. It was my quest to carve out time, plan ahead and make times with Dad a priority. I am so thankful I did and continue to do so.

 

Each child went through the repetitive book stage, wanting the same book read over and over. Taking the time to read to your children is one of the many sweet memories you will have. We have a collection of our favorite children's books to pass on to their children. Occasionally, I will now have my teens and tweens sprawled out on a bed together listening to me read. Recently, I picked up a silly picture book from the library to read together just for fun.  You won't regret this. 

Every mom has a story of the ups and downs of life happening right alongside the calling of motherhood. Be yourself with all the gifts, talents, and interests you were given by Him for His glory. Look to the Lord who knows you. Be in His Word and under the preached Word. Desire to obey Him and be a sweet example of obedience to your children in the day to day. He sees and knows all things. He knows our hearts. He gives us the wisdom we need if we ask. He forgives us when we repent. He knows you are raising children, His children, and He is sovereign and good. Pray with and for each child in your care. Pray for a willing servant heart that loves them with Christ's love. Get to know each child over the years and be that sweet trusting listening ear. Pray each day for good planning, a steady pace, and a good attitude towards your call as a mother. One day you will see that the little things did matter.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" (Psalm 119:105).

Birthdays

Birthdays are a time of sweet celebration in our home. It is the day to celebrate "you." No matter how old we are a birthday can be something special for everyone. Each birthday for our children brings a time of reflection and prompts looking ahead to the new year. With some simple planning and input from your child you can make a memorable day for your family and friends.

Often our children had a particular interest that I used as a theme when planning their party day. We have had parties about space, firetrucks, under the sea, butterflies, an English tea, and Legos to name a few. Sometimes our children wanted no theme and would help pick out some simple birthday napkins and streamers.

One month before their birthday, I would ask our child if they would like a theme and what they had in mind. We would decide a color scheme, what kind of cake they would like, and plan a party for family or friends. We also would take a trip to the store to "window shop" for a wish list. This would be a relaxed visit just to look at the aisles and help them decide what they would like most for their birthday. We would budget a specific amount for each child for their birthday and work within that amount for presents and a party. If it was going to be a family-only party we usually planned a special outing.

As the girls grew older we would occasionally switch from the typical streamers and balloons to a more formal party. This was a nice way to have our daughters help plan a dinner party or a tea and practice hospitality. It was a delight to host a group of young ladies all dressed up, gathered around a lovely table having a grown up meal together.

Birthday parties are a good opportunity for the child being celebrated to practice good manners and be a kind host or hostess to their friends. Our daughter hosted a birthday tea and made place cards for each of her guests. Our children have enjoyed selecting prizes for their friends, finding items for the party bags, and planning games that everyone would enjoy. We make sure the birthday child greets each guest and thanks them for coming to the party.

Birthday tables can be done on a budget by purchasing only what you need and using what you have around the house. After we came up with a theme and a color scheme we would search through our craft supplies, decor, ribbons, and toys to put together a kid friendly table for the party. I would often use colored construction paper as place mats decorated with stickers. Sometimes for younger children I would provide a crayon or two so they could decorate their place mat. We would write the name of each child on a clear plastic cup decorated with the same matching stickers that we would use on the place mats. Here in the picture above we served smoothies in fancy cups. Each child took a cup home as a party favor.

Party bags can be done in a variety of ways. When we do a pinata the children do a group grab and place all the treasures in one main bowl. We evenly distribute the pinata treasures later into party bags. Some parties we have a candy hunt for the children to find all the goodies for the party bags. Sometimes we put the bags together ahead of time and add the prizes to them from the games. All children who do not win any of the games would receive a token prize for trying. In the photo above one of our children had a "make your own party bag" table for her guests. We keep a look out for items ahead of time on sale or in the clearance sections of the store for future parties.

Each home has their own set of traditions. In our home the birthday child gets to put their candles on the cake. We save a piece of cake just for them for the following day.  We set a budget and plan ahead to give something for all of us to look forward to throughout the year. Homemade cards, homemade cakes and treasures have blessed our home over the years. Everyone in our home makes something or buys a little something for each other. Encouraging our children to celebrate others in our home helps to build a sweet unity as a family. Birthdays can be simple and memorable by investing a little creative effort and knowing what your child loves. We thank the Lord for each of our children and remember how they are each a unique blessing to our family.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord" (Psalm 127:3a).