This week we had a moment for my daughters that they will not forget. We had been invited to a special luncheon in a historic hotel downtown near where we live. We had the opportunity to meet our governor. My younger daughter was awed by the beauty of the building, the detail and decor along with the specialness of it all. This prompted me to touch on the topic of raising our children to have good manners. To sum it up, manners matter wherever you are and will help you to be a blessing to others as you put into practice putting others before yourself.
How we dress for different occasions matter. We take the time to consider our outfits. Are they appropriate for the event we will be attending? Are we modest and tasteful in our attire? Children should be clean and presentable which takes some planning ahead.
People who know me know my purse is always "event ready" with mints, a mini-lint roller, plenty of tissues, lipstick, a small brush, chap stick for the kids, a pen and small pad of paper, to name a few items. We make sure we have had a snack before attending a function so we are not tempted to over-indulge.
Most importantly, we prepare the kids with what I call "the speech." Our "speech" takes place as we pull into a driveway or parking lot and consists of what we expect from everyone while we attend a function. Reminders like no running, use inside voices, be sure to say hello and thank you as needed, remember to answer people's questions politely, are just a few examples. Anyone four and older is in training when it comes to manners in our home. Those younger than four are learning to sit quietly and still.
We practice formal meals at home. This helps us when we attend formal gatherings such as weddings, conferences, church functions, or fancier dinners as guests in other people's homes. We light candles, set the table a little fancier, and have a practice run with our manners.
Napkins go in our laps. Food is cut properly, chewed properly, and passed to one another properly (well, we try!). Butter is to go from the butter plate to your plate and then onto your food rather than using the butter knife directly. Children are taught to take portions that divide the food for all rather than taking more than they should. They are to ask if anyone would like some more of a particular food before dishing the last portion for themselves.
We practice proper table talk. No rude noises, loud behavior, or inappropriate conversation is allowed at the table. This helps our kids practice to be good guests in other homes. They are expected to remain at the table till excused. No one is to eat and then get up before everyone else is done. The children know that dessert can begin to be eaten after the hostess is served. These are just some of the many habits we have formed over the years when practicing a more formal meal together. Our children have been complimented in other homes, restaurants, and formal functions for their manners and behavior. These habits do not go unnoticed.
We teach our children to be thankful to hostesses. Depending on the event we will bring a small gift as a thank you. I have our children help me pick out or put together items for hostesses depending on the occasion. Many times we bring something to contribute to the dinner and ask ahead of time for suggestions. Thank you gifts, thank you notes, and expressing verbal thanks to hostesses are important forms of gratitude to teach our children. We should express gratitude for those who host us.
We have had many opportunities to host in our home. The children have learned how to make guests feel welcome. Greeting guests at the door, taking coats, showing them our place, offering drinks, and making casual conversation are all part of the routine for our children when entertaining others.
We remind our kids as the hour approaches to host what we need to have ready to help us make it a pleasant gathering. We work together as a family to make our times of hospitality a haven and respite for those who come to our home. We have special guest towels and hand soap in the bathroom, we light scented candles, and provide treats to help make our hospitality special.
We often eat buffet style at our church functions. It is important that our children learn how to wait in line, to say please and thank you as needed, and especially to take only what they will eat to help make sure there will be enough food for all.
Dessert tables are always a table of temptation for children to indulge. We expect our children to ask us how many dessert items they may have and to take only that amount. This is being considerate to others so that everyone may have some dessert. If we take more food than we should we are actually taking someone's portion. Friends, let us remember to consider others if we are tempted to overeat at a group gathering.
Our children have learned at an early age how to sit quietly. We practice during family devotions each week sitting around the table after dinner hearing God's Word and praying together. Young children will learn with practice how to sit. If they can sit through a TV show or a movie they can sit through a meeting. It is important to teach our children how to behave in settings where they are not being entertained.
We visit the library weekly. This is a good environment to practice being quiet in public. This has helped us practice how to behave in stores and other public places. We do not run freely, yell, or touch everything we see. We stand well in checkout lines and are expected to wait. This takes consistent reinforcement of what you expect and praise when good behavior is being displayed. Children who are attempting to show proper behavior will be noticed and complimented by others. It makes them feel good to know that other adults notice.
Playgrounds are a great place to practice playing nicely with others. Waiting in line for the slide, taking turns on the swings, sharing a toy they brought with others, introducing themselves to other children, and being a help to another child are all ways this environment has helped our children practice good manners.
We should begin early to raise our children with proper manners and social graces. Children showing self-control and good manners are a blessing to others. It is a delight to see young men and women today who show self-respect, manners, and social graces in adult settings. Manners matter no matter how old we are. Let us be considerate and a blessing to others as we practice manners and persevere to raise our children well for His glory.
"Even a child is known by his deeds, whether what he does is pure and right"(Proverbs 20:11 NKJV).
