Memories that Matter

We took a trip down memory lane prior to starting another school year by looking through old photos. I simply listened as I scrolled to what my children said. I paid attention to the "Oh! I remember that!" and what they discussed that mattered to them. These were moments I thought could be easily forgotten because they were everyday happenings or because the kids were little and their interests changed so quickly through the years. This post is to encourage the moms in the daily routine with little ones to keep on keeping on because what you do is not going to go unnoticed.

Whenever one of my children reached their first birthday and became more mobile I knew we were entering what I called the "certified home wrecker stage." This could last up to the next 6 months or more as they had self-appointed permission to anything on their level. We taught them over time where they could and could not play.

Items were placed higher. Almost all my decorating and home decor became eye level. Our biggest hurdle was the Christmas tree.  Our children did not want to just decorate it once. That seemed like a fun activity so "Let's do that everyday and place all the ornaments we can reach in one spot." We provided a little tree for them to decorate and undecorate in their room.

We gave up on kitchen cabinet locks after the first child and just gave our little one a cabinet for him or her to squirrel away treasures and play in during those days. It kept them occupied while I was busy in the kitchen. I always had to keep an eye on the dishwasher and the trashcan and what was being added to it by an imitating "helper."

I learned quickly that comfortable, inexpensive play clothes for everyday play were the best option. I chose clothes that were easy to put on and take off so they could try to dress themselves. Holes in the knees happen. There is a lot of scooting and crawling while pushing toys and playing together. My kids were thankful that they could just play!

 

"Mom, guess what? Mom! Look at this! Why, Mom? But why?"
 Lots and lots of chatter, talking, and thinking out loud took place for several years, and sometimes it still does. I kept a composition book for each child on my kitchen counter to quick jot down funny pronunciations, sayings and moments that took place while Daddy was working. We still read these memories aloud and love having a record of the early days. Take some time to listen to your talkative ones and encourage your quieter ones to chat with you. Even your tweens and teens will appreciate it.

There are some things that just pass down in childhood. One is the "train" of chairs when someone is mopping the kitchen floor.

Getting rides from siblings or friends is another one of those simple memories for all our kids.

 

Baking with my children was honestly a messy time that required patience, but I am so glad we took the time to do this!

There are those moments with school that you decide to go the extra mile like listening to the beginnings of learning the recorder.

Playtime in our home took place in "pockets of play." My rule of thumb when playing at home was as long as it was safe and not too difficult to clean up, then I encouraged it. It didn't matter if it was a box of random treasures, or as in the photo above, a pile of foam stickers, or something other than the typical "educational" toy. Our children learned to entertain themselves and knew I respected their imagination.

Messes were expected with little ones. They tried to help and I tried to keep a sense of humor!

When our children needed to find something quiet to do they would come up with some of the most interesting ways to use their time.

Our coffee table was and still is a play table. Thankfully, we have a sturdy table that has withstood the wear and tear of a well-used place of entertainment.

"Flowers" from your children will always be special. I kept little pretty containers on my windowsill for the endearing gifts my children would bring to me.

Illness happens with little ones and you become a part-time nurse some seasons. Expect that someone will be ill during travel and just roll with it. Keep little ones comfortable and enjoy the snuggles.

As our children grew older we kept encouraging creative simple play.

Outings for the day were never a dull moment. With multiple children we learned to just let them nap along the way.

Field trips and family outings required a lot of prep and were, honestly, more tiring for us than the kids. There were trips that we had to keep a sense of humor because it felt like we were herding cats. The kids thankfully look back on our photos and see a better memory. It matters.

Little ones meant we had "baby birds". We learned that they would love to eat or have what we had.

Special toys and stuffed animals are still with us.  We have moved several times and each child has their own memory box and stash of items that travel from house to house. It is amazing how your teens hold onto a special something that transports you back in time.

Daddy was always busy. Job changes, teaching, and being an elder, a camp director, a seminary student, and a pastor respectively had him spinning plates. It was my quest to carve out time, plan ahead and make times with Dad a priority. I am so thankful I did and continue to do so.

 

Each child went through the repetitive book stage, wanting the same book read over and over. Taking the time to read to your children is one of the many sweet memories you will have. We have a collection of our favorite children's books to pass on to their children. Occasionally, I will now have my teens and tweens sprawled out on a bed together listening to me read. Recently, I picked up a silly picture book from the library to read together just for fun.  You won't regret this. 

Every mom has a story of the ups and downs of life happening right alongside the calling of motherhood. Be yourself with all the gifts, talents, and interests you were given by Him for His glory. Look to the Lord who knows you. Be in His Word and under the preached Word. Desire to obey Him and be a sweet example of obedience to your children in the day to day. He sees and knows all things. He knows our hearts. He gives us the wisdom we need if we ask. He forgives us when we repent. He knows you are raising children, His children, and He is sovereign and good. Pray with and for each child in your care. Pray for a willing servant heart that loves them with Christ's love. Get to know each child over the years and be that sweet trusting listening ear. Pray each day for good planning, a steady pace, and a good attitude towards your call as a mother. One day you will see that the little things did matter.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" (Psalm 119:105).

Birthdays

Birthdays are a time of sweet celebration in our home. It is the day to celebrate "you." No matter how old we are a birthday can be something special for everyone. Each birthday for our children brings a time of reflection and prompts looking ahead to the new year. With some simple planning and input from your child you can make a memorable day for your family and friends.

Often our children had a particular interest that I used as a theme when planning their party day. We have had parties about space, firetrucks, under the sea, butterflies, an English tea, and Legos to name a few. Sometimes our children wanted no theme and would help pick out some simple birthday napkins and streamers.

One month before their birthday, I would ask our child if they would like a theme and what they had in mind. We would decide a color scheme, what kind of cake they would like, and plan a party for family or friends. We also would take a trip to the store to "window shop" for a wish list. This would be a relaxed visit just to look at the aisles and help them decide what they would like most for their birthday. We would budget a specific amount for each child for their birthday and work within that amount for presents and a party. If it was going to be a family-only party we usually planned a special outing.

As the girls grew older we would occasionally switch from the typical streamers and balloons to a more formal party. This was a nice way to have our daughters help plan a dinner party or a tea and practice hospitality. It was a delight to host a group of young ladies all dressed up, gathered around a lovely table having a grown up meal together.

Birthday parties are a good opportunity for the child being celebrated to practice good manners and be a kind host or hostess to their friends. Our daughter hosted a birthday tea and made place cards for each of her guests. Our children have enjoyed selecting prizes for their friends, finding items for the party bags, and planning games that everyone would enjoy. We make sure the birthday child greets each guest and thanks them for coming to the party.

Birthday tables can be done on a budget by purchasing only what you need and using what you have around the house. After we came up with a theme and a color scheme we would search through our craft supplies, decor, ribbons, and toys to put together a kid friendly table for the party. I would often use colored construction paper as place mats decorated with stickers. Sometimes for younger children I would provide a crayon or two so they could decorate their place mat. We would write the name of each child on a clear plastic cup decorated with the same matching stickers that we would use on the place mats. Here in the picture above we served smoothies in fancy cups. Each child took a cup home as a party favor.

Party bags can be done in a variety of ways. When we do a pinata the children do a group grab and place all the treasures in one main bowl. We evenly distribute the pinata treasures later into party bags. Some parties we have a candy hunt for the children to find all the goodies for the party bags. Sometimes we put the bags together ahead of time and add the prizes to them from the games. All children who do not win any of the games would receive a token prize for trying. In the photo above one of our children had a "make your own party bag" table for her guests. We keep a look out for items ahead of time on sale or in the clearance sections of the store for future parties.

Each home has their own set of traditions. In our home the birthday child gets to put their candles on the cake. We save a piece of cake just for them for the following day.  We set a budget and plan ahead to give something for all of us to look forward to throughout the year. Homemade cards, homemade cakes and treasures have blessed our home over the years. Everyone in our home makes something or buys a little something for each other. Encouraging our children to celebrate others in our home helps to build a sweet unity as a family. Birthdays can be simple and memorable by investing a little creative effort and knowing what your child loves. We thank the Lord for each of our children and remember how they are each a unique blessing to our family.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord" (Psalm 127:3a).

Simple and Sweet School Year

Whether your children do all their study at home or attend school and continue their study at home, there are some common threads that can help make your place a simple, stress-free learning environment for all. 

Children appreciate when we respect and encourage them individually. Every year involves challenging growth and change for a child that adds something new to their identity. Kids are asked in public,"What grade are you in? Do you like your teacher? What is your favorite subject? What do you want to be when you grow up?" Many positive and stressful situations can take place in one school day. For example, children deal with the joys and challenges of friendship, the discipline of difficult subjects, the everyday routine, family life, handling failure, growth spurts, and on it goes.

As a teacher, I was sympathetic to the ups and downs of school life. My goal as a teacher was to be organized but flexible, to set the expectations and routine, be firm, fair and friendly, respect each child, understand their learning pace and encourage good effort. Whether I have taught a classroom of children or a one-room schoolhouse at my dining room table I have carried the same principles for each school year.

Children need quiet, creative outlets. We try to carve out time for this during the school week. Whether it is writing, music, or art, these can be personal and enjoyable times of learning. One of the ways I encourage this at home is to have art supplies on hand in special bins, cabinets, and drawers that are accessible to older children and easy for me to get for the younger ones.

A good rule of thumb from teaching preschool is only put out as much as you are willing to clean up. In other words, put just enough paint, water, glue, and glitter in little cups for someone to work with on paper. Expect the mess and enjoy the result. Each child should have their own set of materials and space where they can work on their own.

Some children do better with a few guiding ideas to get them thinking what they would like to make. All children are creative in mind and should have the opportunity to develop their creative skills one project at a time. Providing a blank paper and a few materials is far more exciting to a budding artist than a "pre-fab, color-in-the-lines project." We break up the day or the week with some form of creativity after our subjects are done. Rainy day projects keep a week humming along in our home.

After teaching in school for several years and doing the same at home I can tell you we have never had a "normal year." Do not set the bar too high for your children, expecting to have an "amazing year." School is important but it is only one part of our life, so try to relax and aim to keep it at a happy, supportive pace.

We learn from books but we also learn from daily life at home. Life comes at us in all kinds of venues. Sometimes families move, have a long-term illness, mom has a baby, we lose loved ones, we lose a job, we have relationship stresses, financial difficulties cause us to pick up more duties, a parent goes back to school, both parents become employed, the list goes on and we ourselves have experienced all of these over the years.

Each year we look ahead and prepare the best we can and know the Lord is not wringing His hands. Your children are always learning and you are their guide, but know that the Lord is your sovereign guide. You also are along for the ride so be open to the lessons you all will learn each year.

Believe it or not I am not the most organized person when it comes to school. Go ahead and gasp, friends, but I am partially organized for a reason. This means I know what needs to be organized and I know where to breathe so that I don't drive my pupils crazy with unnecessary stress.

There is a happy line somewhere for you between rigid and chaos. For example, do we have to have everything neatly lined up everyday? or can we place items in a designated place to be sorted later or found when needed?

The first day is always nice with the fresh books, pencils sharpened, and that lovely new box of crayons. But our goal is to learn, so we roll up our sleeves and use our books, we work on papers, toss out a lesson and start over, circle items to be redone, erase, star, and smudge along the way. By the end of the year I have a drawer full, files full, and books full of young peoples effort. It isn't pretty but they all worked and hopefully somewhere we enjoyed the ride.

There will be times in your year children have tears, times of "I can't do this," and the old shut-down because the work caught up from half-effort. This is where you as their guide breathe deep and know it is all part of the learning process. Not everyone learns at the same pace. Did we all take our first steps at 12 months? We adults have learning struggles in the work place too. Pray for a heart that is sympathetic to your student. Expect these times to happen along the way and know this is a great time to have a one-on-one with your child so you can assess what is going on and encourage them along the way. Keep these precious struggles in the home and build a loving, trusting, growing place as a family. Nothing is sweeter then a child keeping at something with effort and having a moment of "Okay, I got it."

Children need clean, well-lit, comfortable, and happy places to work. We have the blessing of two cats that join our work place at their leisure and sometimes conveniently try to lay on top of an open math book. Occasionally, I will play classical music in the background and allow some time of chatting during the day. We make sure everyone is well-fed and well-rested. Any time a test is taken children need a quiet place to focus. Reading for leisure is encouraged every day. Weekly trips to the library are a treat on Friday afternoons. I have children read aloud to one another while studying shared subjects and enjoy reading to them as a group.

Every year I provide blank notebooks simply for creative writing. These notebooks are not graded or edited. They are simply to get the writing process flowing. My beginner writers start with drawing pictures of their story in a sequence and I write in front of them as they dictate simple sentences to me. We read their titled, stapled story together at the end. Having a young child speak and draw out a story on a series of stapled, blank pages helps their story ideas flow with more ease. I would guide simple writing concepts as they dictated the sentences. This activity for eager pre-writers helped supplement the language arts process from the start.  

Holidays create a nice break throughout the year. We plan out a general calendar at the start of the school year and include these times as a highlight. Each holiday we include art, food, music, decor or traditions to help brighten our home and our daily routine. One year we had a "leap year" party with friends and enjoyed frog-themed decor and green punch just to keep the dull days of winter a little happier.

Children are not called to raise themselves. Children from the youngest age are always learning from you in your home. Our most important duty is to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. All parents are called in Deuteronomy to teach their children about the Lord in their everyday happenings (Deut 6).

Pray for your children as they begin a new year. Where do you hope each child to grow this year? Do they need a gentle push or a firm guide in a specific area? Are they striving to be honest, respectful and trusting? Are you helping them to develop good habits and manners? Is there a balance in your home where you all can get your tasks done and have times to just be a family? Do your children strive to be respectful and kind to friends? Are they serving others or just themselves?  Do you and your child communicate in a healthy way or are there some hidden areas that need healing?

Children are living life right along with you and they know you are not perfect. All of us need God's loving grace and guidance. Each day is a new day to learn, to work, and to be a better family. For example, taking the time to have dinner together, to have family devotions, to take the time to tuck everyone in at the end of the day, to pray for and with each other, to communicate well, to encourage, to hug and to honestly challenge each other will help you support your sweet family through another growing year.

Sweet Aroma in the Home

 

I love the smell of tea roses, freshly washed babies, ground coffee, and my favorite shampoo. I do not like the smell of old chicken left in the garbage, laundry left too long in the washer, and unkept litter boxes. So it is with the aroma of our speech at home; words can be sweet, pleasant, kind, and uplifting or they can be bitter, unpleasant, mean, and discouraging.

Like room spray over a can full of smelly garbage, our inappropriate speech covered with "humor" will still result in an unpleasant aroma. Coarse joking and rude remarks, especially at the expense of another, will not promote godly unity. Only wise and pleasant speech from a heart that loves the Lord will result in true godly unity. "A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit" (Prov. 15:4). To promote a sweet aroma in our home we need to remove the stench that lurks in our hearts and minds first rather than cover it with the "room spray"of cheap words. "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" (Eph. 4:29).

When I am struggling with an unforgiving heart toward someone or battling bitterness I am like this little cactus. Everything in my speech will be prickles, even to those I love.  I cannot be mean-spirited to one person and loving to another. More importantly, I cannot bash someone and praise Christ with the same mouth (James 3:9). In this state of mind my attempts at speaking kindly will be distorted and "over the top" to compensate for my bitter state. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice" (Eph. 4:31).

I have a choice to make, I can continue to feed my bitter state by rehearsing over and over in my mind and even publicly with others the wrong-doings of this person against me or I can self-examine my own wrong-doings in the matter and draw from the example of Christ who freely forgave me. But what if the other party refuses to repent? What if it seems they have gotten away with the situation? We know that the Lord calls us to love our enemies, to guard our minds and hearts, to have an attitude ready to forgive if they do repent, and to press on in gratitude that we ourselves have been forgiven far more than this situation. When I struggle with bitter thoughts or feelings I attempt to catch it right away and pray for the other party. This keeps my prayer life flowing and my heart and mind grounded in what is good which leads to pleasant speech.

It is very important whom we choose to be our friends. We need to be willing to guard ourselves from the influences of those who practice gossip, slander, and bitter speech and circle ourselves with those who speak wisely and lovingly. We should be seeking friendships with people for whom we are thankful when they take the time to guide us, correct us, and offer genuine praise.

This little plant is like our tender children whom we are called to raise in our home. We are accountable for how we speak to them and about them. Christ is our head and we are His body. Our speech needs to reflect the love of Christ in order to build up others, especially our children, for the unity of His people. "For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing" (2 Cor. 2:15).

I am accountable for what I say. Too often we rely on our feelings to dictate what we say and to excuse how we say it. What slowly churns in our hearts and minds left unchecked will create emotions that eventually spill over in unnecessary words. Praying first thing in the morning, focusing on a verse, reflecting on a passage of scripture, singing a hymn, or praying throughout the day are all ways that have helped me keep my heart and mind in check especially when sleep deprived or weary from the daily duties as a mom.

Conflicts happen and have a purpose in our home. Arguing is allowed as long as it is fair and to the point. We discourage exaggeration, over-emotion, lists of past events that have already been dealt with, name calling, and the old "I am going to take my ball and leave" method when proven wrong. In our home, if you have a point to make you are to think before you speak, make your point, and be ready to hear both sides of the story. We don't entertain emotional breakdowns or pity parties.

There is a big difference between choosing to vent my bad day privately to the Lord in prayer or to vent it publicly. Keeping our daily speech deliberately pleasant helps to avoid stirring the pot in the first place. "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Prov. 15:1).

All of us are accountable for what we say at home whether we remember what we said or not. The Lord heard me and He knew what I was going to say before I even spoke it. Claiming ignorance to the situation in the end won't give anyone peace in the matter. In our home, we seek forgiveness with one another and settle matters quickly so as not to have conflicts hanging over us as a family.

We look for creative ways to communicate positively to one another in our home. My marker board in the kitchen meant for weekly menu planning and events will often be decorated by my kids. Each child has their own marker board to write with each other. We have a kinder sense of humor here and often look for silly ways to brighten each others day. I picked up tiny mailboxes for a dollar and placed them outside of the bedrooms for little notes. We email and "chat" with each other at home. We still use walkie-talkies around the house for play.

Over the years we have built a list of funny sayings, stories, nick-names, and fond memories. We only share with others what our family decides is okay to share outside our home and keep other special memories exclusive to our little home. Before anything is posted on Facebook we ask our children if it would be all right. We try not to put each other on the spot in public. We do not speak about or post anything that would be humiliating or funny at someone's expense. We stick to stories that are well timed, clever, and uplifting. We tell one another if something is hurtful or unkind and strive to be more loving. Not everything that seems funny is necessarily good so we need be careful even in our humor.

A home with well-seasoned speech is like a well-tended garden. Our hearts are reflected in our speech. We need to pray that the Lord opens our ears to what we say and self-examine why we say it. We also need to curb our tongue before we say something we regret. "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble" (Prov. 21:23).  A person who speaks everything they think or feel is called a fool. Let us take the time daily to build the habit of timely, well-spoken words where they are meant to be spoken, privately in our home face to face. Let us not spill all our thoughts and family moments into the public. Gather moments from the years that are just between you and your family and build a sweet, trusting unity that only you share. The special stories will be passed to your children's children as they were meant to be. Journal your thoughts off-screen, pray in private, fight privately and fairly, love one another with a forgiving heart and seek to have a godly tongue that will produce a sweet aroma in your home.

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person" (Col. 4:6).

Traveling Tidbits

Traveling for me is a toss up between, "Yay, I am so happy to get away," and the reality of "Oh, wow, there is a lot to do just to get us on the road." It becomes a part-time job between organizing and preparing as I anticipate being the "flight attendant" in the car.  I always have a decision to make; I could wait till the last minute leaving my husband and kids to do most of the work, or I can plan ahead and be joyful in the preparations. This is the difference between choosing to have a whiny trip where we are bound to be missing items or a happier, well-prepared one where we all are on the same page.

 

My goal is to have us ready for what I call, "the grab-and-go stage." These past several years, most of our travel started before the crack of dawn due to living so far away from family and friends. This means everything is in one place the night before we leave so we can load and leave with less chance of forgetting something. If I prepare well, our only jobs the morning we depart is to load the van, double-check on the pets (who will be cared for by someone else), turn off the lights, fix the thermostat, fill up the travel mugs, and rinse out the coffee pot.

 

Prior to our trip we would sit down as a family after dinner and discuss any details the kids wanted to know. We discussed the dates we would be away, where we would be staying, what kind of items they would want to bring, the all-important decision of how many stuffed animals each child could bring, and what items they needed us to purchase. We would also write down a snack wish list. 

In the past I would draw a calendar schedule with my children including little pictures of our vacation plans. This helped keep the endless daily questions I would get to a minimum. They would just look at their "vacation calendar" to see what we would be doing each day. I have done similar calendars over the holidays when we would have a lot of activities and visits scheduled. My kids are older now but sometimes they still like me to do the funny little drawings. 

 

The most stressful part of travel for us all, hands down, is what I call, "point A to point B," aka getting everything and everyone out the door and into the van. Having the "grab and go" system ready the day before is our best method. Each child preps their own space with a pillow, blanket, the decided amount of stuffed animals, along with their own backpack of treasures that they packed themselves. I always have them show me what they have decided to bring with them ahead of time so we can decide if it is worth bringing, in order to keep them occupied.

Call me crazy, but we don't do DVDs and electronic games in the car. One time late at night after hours of travel with little ones we brought out Daddy's laptop for a movie. Most of our travel can be 12 or more hours at a time. So how do we survive? We have encouraged our kids to have their own bag of things to do and to interact with each other. We have built some great travel memories over the years singing typical car songs, playing car games, and talking about the craziest topics. We usually keep the car rather quiet early in the morning, gradually becoming livelier during the day, with a time of quiet in the afternoon before we stop for dinner.

We have used this marker board that I bought for a dollar for one of our favorite travel games. The kids and I come up with a theme and take turns passing the board around to add to the picture. As you can see, it becomes rather silly.

Our kids look forward to treats and treasures when we travel. To keep the "gimmes" to a minimum, each child is allotted a small specific amount and knows that once it is spent they have what they have. This has encouraged them to spend more carefully and bring home something more special. When we go to a fair we have a saying, "something to ride, something to eat, something to play, and a toy or a treat." Yes, I made that up, and with several kids it has helped us spend less and still have a memorable time together.

Travel can be a pleasant time even for this mom if I remember that by using my time and effort wisely in the preparations I can help all of us to have an enjoyable time together. Happy travels!