When we were in our seminary days I found that serving a cup of tea at our kitchen table was an easy way to connect and encourage other ladies. Our topics ranged from home making, schooling, child rearing, marriage, care taking, moving, to name a few. There was laughter and tears mixed with encouraging words. I loved those days....
Most of you reading this are home alone caring for your family and your husband and trying to keep your chin up through this pandemic. I would pour you a cup of tea if I could and would lend a listening ear. I will do my best to have a "conversation" with you in hopes it encourages you in some way.
First, you are not alone. We are in this together. But more importantly we have an all seeing and all knowing loving God who is sovereign and good taking care of every little detail today.
It's okay to mess up today. It's okay to cry now and then. This is a stressful time. This is a time of grieving. My favorite place is in the bathroom to just pray and cry out my feelings to God about anything that is on my mind and heart. Then I wash my face and hug my family and keep going. Humility before God is a blessing.
Your home is going to run the way that is best for you and your family. I don't parent parents and as a teacher I try to listen to parents more than I speak. You know your kids best. They are your children. You know what habits and routines work. You know what the Bible calls us to do - to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We are to teach, guide, and train them. This doesn't happen overnight and will look different right now considering the circumstances. So we pray for wisdom; we emphasize family dinners and family worship together; we work out our stresses; we communicate with purpose; we forgive one another; we strive to be charitable toward one another. This takes effort. There are good days with plenty to be thankful for and there are not so good days that lead us to pray for one another.
Make your marriage a priority. Pray with and for your husband. Be his companion and help meet.
There are things to do everyday that is a benefit to your home. Our family is going through the book of Proverbs. There are verses that are enough to kick me off the couch and roll up my sleeves. We are spring cleaning, gardening, and cleaning our files, closets, drawers, etc. After moving here with six of us almost 8 years ago I can tell you there is plenty to sort, clean, and purge. The benefit is the trip down memory lane - good and bad - which leads to great conversations. My current stress is the need to replace our siding and the two squirrels that have been running in the the garage walls and above as a result. Prayers please :D Our fence and deck need to be fixed up as well from the tornado last year that went over our home along with general wear and tear. Other than that there is so much to be thankful for when we roll up our sleeves and commit to building up our home one day at a time in gratitude to God.
Find something to be thankful for at the start of the day and again at the end. Some nights when I struggle to sleep I list as many things I can that I am thankful for - it's better than counting sheep.
Show love everyday to each person in your home. If that is a struggle then examine why, pray, and forgive. Ask for a heart that will love them because Christ loves us. Some ways to show love are kind words, quality time together, one on one conversations where you do a lot of listening, small tokens of appreciation like baking something or making someone's favorite meal, leaving a note of encouragement, giving a hug, doing someone's chores for them without saying anything and plenty of other ways. If no one is doing this than you be the example and you will be blessed for your efforts. Phil 4:13 is my go to verse. I wear it on a ring on my hand everyday to remind me that it's all about Christ.
Pray. Everyday. Even as you work. If someone comes to mind then pray for them. We are the body of Christ and the Spirit unites us to Him and comforts us so that we can comfort one another with the comfort we receive from Him. People of God just know when someone is praying for them. You may be under quarrentine but you are not separated from God's people. This keeps us from despair.
Be honest before the Lord. These trials are for purging. Our hearts need cleansing like our homes do. Things build up and decay. Repentance is a daily task. Put off and put on. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. These are given to us from the Spirit of God. These benefit you and others and are right and good. I love the Psalms during trials and the letters to the churches to remind me how to persevere. Press on in Christ.
Finally, God knows exactly what you need today. Trust Him for all the many little details. It is a big calling to be a faithful wife and mother each day and in the midst of a time when we are tempted to worry or task less or fill our time with unnecessary things. Pay attention to the blessings around you. Find the satisfaction in a job well done. If you are in a state of grief just try to do the next thing. For example just lift that washing machine lid, put the clothes in and get them washed. I know. I have been there and eventually the wheels start turning and you are functioning another day. Your home is your home in its unique, special, blessed way with all those in it who have been given to you to care for - even the fur babies. So let's pace ourselves; Let's press on and we can look back on this as a time of renewal and growth. Let's remember the lessons we learn each day and when the stormy skies pass we will learn the truths of that lovely old hymn...that to be happy in Jesus is to trust and obey....
Love your sister in Christ,
Tricia :)
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
Friday, October 18, 2019
The Blessings and Basics on Hospitality and Home Management
The next part in Titus 2 is on the topic of homemaking. The ESV uses the phrase "working at home." My husband who is a pastor shares that this greek word is a Hapax which means it only occurs once in the scriptures. From the Thayer lexicon it means keeper of the house, keeping at home, taking care of household affairs, and domestic to name a few. Older women are commanded to teach this to younger women.
Develop a Routine
Homemaking basics for me come down to simple categories: the daily, the weekly, and the seasonal.
The daily is the important one to stress because these are important to the life and health of your family. We have daily chores that are done the old fashioned way - work before pleasure. Meal prep, dishes, kitchen clean-up, laundry collected, trash collected, general pick up around the place at the end of the day, mail, animal care, and even personal care all fall into the daily category.
Weekly (or more than once a week as needed) is vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, trash and recycling put out, weeding, watering plants, mail sorting, food shopping, laundry including folding and putting away, Windexing, fridge/pantry clean out or organizing with meal planning, calendar planning, clean out vehicles, clutter control (we attempt to have a "put it away right away" thing here and an "everything has its place")
Seasonal is anything revolving around the holidays and seasons, yard work, gardening, our garage, changing batteries, air filters, car maintenance, holding a garage sale, cleaning out closets and drawers, donating to those in need, etc.
Word of encouragement from an experienced homemaker of twenty eight years with different seasons of life - there are going to be circumstances that come like job loss, medical issues, moving, a new baby, circumstantial depression, relationship stressors, care taking, grieving, etc., that will no doubt interrupt or slow down a household routine. It is in these times you pray, delegate, do the next thing, keep moving with the most important tasks, seek the Lord for wisdom and strength, and seek the help of others. These are seasons that draw you close to Him as you look to Him for wisdom and strength. However, word of warning that when times are more at ease it is important for you and your household to be blameless with your duties and time. I find the biggest struggle for women is an over emphasis on self-care and self-indulgence. It is good for me to examine at the end of the day with what I did with my time. I can track on my device how many hours I have spent a week on the internet. I can see where our house needs care. I remind myself that God gave me this home and I am accountable to Him how I manage it each day. I love the verses that encourage me to press on in His strength and the wisdom He gives us each day. I like to begin and end the day with prayer. I pray giving thanks for the specific things about the day and for specific needs and in the morning I give thanks for His new mercies and pray for His directing of my day. The duties in a home are many and should be managed well. The blessings He gives are for all who visit or dwell here. That's the beauty of a godly, well managed home. Start with establishing a basic routine - daily, weekly, and seasonally. Communicate with those in the household what needs to be done each day. We use lists, notes, family meetings, a calendar, a marker board and plenty of encouragement to one another. As the house twirls from week to week, be an example of one who desires to serve others and serve the Lord in the home. Ask Him daily for wisdom and strength. Visit with and seek advice from those who manage their homes well.
Benefits of Teaching by Example
Teaching by modeling is a helpful method. Many of the things I learned came by getting to know older women and visiting in their homes. I enjoyed working alongside them. We women love to task with one another and learn so much by being together. I enjoy hosting women of all ages who visit and experience the everyday life around here. Hosting a dinner from start to finish including a time of family worship, dessert, and cleanup models so much for others. The house hums with activity and the conversation can be light or deep depending on the company around the table. Hospitality should be a goal in every home. The Lord commands us to practice it. For me it is the best motivator to get those daily and weekly tasks done when I know I am hosting later in the week. I find that in the summer season and the holidays, our door twirls the most. Hosting young people has been more frequent since we are currently raising teens in our home. I enjoy hearing what they like and what they notice about our place and that they can come relax and chat about their day.
Conclusion
Our home is the Lord's. Therefore we need to take care of our homes, enjoy fellowship with one another, and show hospitality for His glory. The tasks are before us everyday. We need to be good stewards of our home and our time. There is a warning in Proverbs not to fold our hands or much disaster will come to our tent. We need to guard our hearts from selfishness, self-pity, laziness, self-indulgence, lack of self care, and being busy-bodies. Instead, we need to fix our eyes on Christ, pursue each day with purpose that is useful, healthy, and redeems the time. We serve those in our home by His love and guidance and we should be thankful for the blessings He gives to His children whom He loves. We should be thankful for His sovereignty and grace each day. Building a godly home one day at a time is a testimony of our gratitude and love to Christ who purchased us and calls us His own. May we press on each day with a cheerful willingness to learn and obey what He calls us to do.
Develop a Routine
Homemaking basics for me come down to simple categories: the daily, the weekly, and the seasonal.
The daily is the important one to stress because these are important to the life and health of your family. We have daily chores that are done the old fashioned way - work before pleasure. Meal prep, dishes, kitchen clean-up, laundry collected, trash collected, general pick up around the place at the end of the day, mail, animal care, and even personal care all fall into the daily category.
Weekly (or more than once a week as needed) is vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, trash and recycling put out, weeding, watering plants, mail sorting, food shopping, laundry including folding and putting away, Windexing, fridge/pantry clean out or organizing with meal planning, calendar planning, clean out vehicles, clutter control (we attempt to have a "put it away right away" thing here and an "everything has its place")
Seasonal is anything revolving around the holidays and seasons, yard work, gardening, our garage, changing batteries, air filters, car maintenance, holding a garage sale, cleaning out closets and drawers, donating to those in need, etc.
Word of encouragement from an experienced homemaker of twenty eight years with different seasons of life - there are going to be circumstances that come like job loss, medical issues, moving, a new baby, circumstantial depression, relationship stressors, care taking, grieving, etc., that will no doubt interrupt or slow down a household routine. It is in these times you pray, delegate, do the next thing, keep moving with the most important tasks, seek the Lord for wisdom and strength, and seek the help of others. These are seasons that draw you close to Him as you look to Him for wisdom and strength. However, word of warning that when times are more at ease it is important for you and your household to be blameless with your duties and time. I find the biggest struggle for women is an over emphasis on self-care and self-indulgence. It is good for me to examine at the end of the day with what I did with my time. I can track on my device how many hours I have spent a week on the internet. I can see where our house needs care. I remind myself that God gave me this home and I am accountable to Him how I manage it each day. I love the verses that encourage me to press on in His strength and the wisdom He gives us each day. I like to begin and end the day with prayer. I pray giving thanks for the specific things about the day and for specific needs and in the morning I give thanks for His new mercies and pray for His directing of my day. The duties in a home are many and should be managed well. The blessings He gives are for all who visit or dwell here. That's the beauty of a godly, well managed home. Start with establishing a basic routine - daily, weekly, and seasonally. Communicate with those in the household what needs to be done each day. We use lists, notes, family meetings, a calendar, a marker board and plenty of encouragement to one another. As the house twirls from week to week, be an example of one who desires to serve others and serve the Lord in the home. Ask Him daily for wisdom and strength. Visit with and seek advice from those who manage their homes well.
Benefits of Teaching by Example
Teaching by modeling is a helpful method. Many of the things I learned came by getting to know older women and visiting in their homes. I enjoyed working alongside them. We women love to task with one another and learn so much by being together. I enjoy hosting women of all ages who visit and experience the everyday life around here. Hosting a dinner from start to finish including a time of family worship, dessert, and cleanup models so much for others. The house hums with activity and the conversation can be light or deep depending on the company around the table. Hospitality should be a goal in every home. The Lord commands us to practice it. For me it is the best motivator to get those daily and weekly tasks done when I know I am hosting later in the week. I find that in the summer season and the holidays, our door twirls the most. Hosting young people has been more frequent since we are currently raising teens in our home. I enjoy hearing what they like and what they notice about our place and that they can come relax and chat about their day.
Conclusion
Our home is the Lord's. Therefore we need to take care of our homes, enjoy fellowship with one another, and show hospitality for His glory. The tasks are before us everyday. We need to be good stewards of our home and our time. There is a warning in Proverbs not to fold our hands or much disaster will come to our tent. We need to guard our hearts from selfishness, self-pity, laziness, self-indulgence, lack of self care, and being busy-bodies. Instead, we need to fix our eyes on Christ, pursue each day with purpose that is useful, healthy, and redeems the time. We serve those in our home by His love and guidance and we should be thankful for the blessings He gives to His children whom He loves. We should be thankful for His sovereignty and grace each day. Building a godly home one day at a time is a testimony of our gratitude and love to Christ who purchased us and calls us His own. May we press on each day with a cheerful willingness to learn and obey what He calls us to do.
Thursday, May 17, 2018
Milking Every Drop...
Is there a day given to us that we should look forward to and milk every drop of it's beautiful purpose? Yes!
We have a whole day once a week and Lord willing, unless you can change the calendar it is approaching again. Think about this...is Sunday about me or is it about the Lord? When the Lord renewed my mind towards the correct answer I could only move forward until I wanted to milk every single drop out of gratitude on the Lord's Day. How did that happen?
First, I had to be taught the truth found in His Word. In our American culture today we need to remember that there is no such thing in God's eternal Kingdom as a hashtag Sunday Funday, or a lazy self-serving day, or a High School Senior Sunday photo share (when did that start? I am getting old), or even man-made holidays like Mother's Day that has it's beginnings from a lady in a church, or other traditions that are more important then His day. In the end we are not going to be too satisfied for very long with all of that and you could sadly miss out like I did on the benefits of what this day is really about. I had to ask myself, "What is the purpose of Sunday?" Is it a day off of work? The end of the weekend? A time for doing what I want to do? Oh the riches of God's mercy in my life who pulled me out of a self-made and self-centered downward spiral.
For many years, honestly, Sunday was one of the most miserable days of the week for me. Outside of God's purposes it is just another day to us. And that is coming from a "Grand PK" if that is a thing, for my grandfather was a minister and later my dad. It was tiring, awkward, I usually didn't feel up for it, and I would wake up each Sunday consumed with my self-inflicted miserable situations, and I had to put on my Sunday best and try to be on time so I could practice those awkward social skills so people wouldn't see my shame and misery and I would ask myself, "What am I doing here?" I tried making friends and getting involved with special music, choir, youth group, etc., but that didn't help because sadly that was still all about me. It still meant I had to go back to school the next day or go to work. I was complaining way too much to others about my life. There is little room for praising a Holy God when you are so focused on yourself. It was a day I would try to sleep too much at one point from working three different jobs in a week and I would roll into church half-hearted. In my teen years it was foolishly so I could see my friends and talk about myself too much. It was a day I would stupidly exhaust myself with too much social activity at times trying to meet guys because I was going through that boy crazy stage that looked like a happy solution but really that is a gnat's eyelash from creating a relationship idol for self...ouch. In the end I would not be happy or be motivated for the week to come. Words like joy, peace, patience, goodness, love, were not part of my life and I was reminded each time I came to church. What was I missing?
So I tried to keep up with the ungodly "fun" life along with the external Christian life to no avail. That was fed by the entertainment world. I put more hours into movies and TV and books and magazines (today it is the internet instead) then I was willing to admit. When your social life is lonely you can fill it with a lot of worldly garbage. Today people invest entire days to this. You can see the effects in their lives because it is really hard to communicate in a healthy way. The reason these things are so appealing is because it looks like unity and love and friendship on the screen or in a writing but it is not real. It gives you a false sense of belonging. People actually get attached to a character or an actor's role so much that they talk about them more than reality. That is a strange attachment that affects us and we can become more and more isolated in our strange unsocial world. This is not unity. It is a substitute for the unity we were designed to have with one another in Christ through His Spirit. This life was so bad for me at one point that I was done with any real fun things in life and even with a lot of people in general but that is right where the Lord wanted me. God did not leave me in this state. He pulled me from the pit of despair and set my feet upon the rock as the Psalmist writes. I was His child and when a child of God is moved to cry out to the Lord He rescues them. His promises are yes and Amen. God's truth won...There was clearly someone Holy in my life who called me to Himself that I was now desiring more and more to trust and obey... there was no more getting around that one....It was time to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Him. The joy of the Lord was now my strength.
We who are in Christ are His workmanship alone and are made to worship Him. That is a delight. We have the blessing of real fellowship with one another. We all as one body under the headship of Christ are taught how to live godly lives and are fed by the truths in God's Word alone. If you are living for yourself or in a prison life of fear of man and pleasing others like I was or you are being taught something other than what is found in God's Word, friend, you are in a state of bondage and in need of repentance. I had to repent and to seek the pure truth of who the Lord really is in my life and what Sunday was all about because I realized it was a real relationship with a real Triune God and as a result there was so much more to Christian living. I needed to be in the Church so I could worship with His people. I needed accountability in my life and the sound preaching of the Word. It is through His Spirit that I finally had that joy, peace, patience, goodness, love...
I had to learn every Sunday is the Lord's Day when He calls us to gather to worship Him. In reality, I was using the day for worshiping me. Ugh! Really? Okay that is a tough humbling pill to swallow but it sure went down. What was I doing on the Lord's Day in gratitude that was in obedience to His Word? This began to matter more and more and more.
It is His day and not ours. All over the world His people are gathering for worship from every tongue, tribe, and nation. We worship with those who have gone before us. This means that worship is active today in heaven. That is a beautiful thing to me when I miss those who have gone to be with the Lord. This was an eye-opening, heart filled, amazing, eternal perspective that drew me right out of that lazy painful shameful useless self-focused self-made world and opened my eyes and heart to the unchangeable truths found in His Word. There was no denying it. We who are in Christ look for the day of His return when we will worship together for eternity. Think about that... We gather as HIS people young and old, rich and poor, men and woman, to be under the preached Word, to sing praises to God, to confess our sins, and to seek His forgiveness.
We are to be active on the Lord's Day. It is a day of finding delight in acts of mercy and service to those in need. My final jobs at the Church on the Lord's Day is to make sure the coffee pots are off, to empty the nursery pail, and wipe the two toilets if the little guys miss. We have some pretty humble accommodations and such things are necessary with the number of people we serve. Why would I delight in that? It is not about us, it is about the Lord, His glory, and His people. It is a foretaste of what is yet to come for His people. The Lord knows our deeds.
Six days you shall labor and do all your work but the seventh day belongs to the Lord. This is a command for our good and for His glory. Sunday is a day for His work in and through us. Honestly, the more this pressed on me the more I desired to truly worship and serve. By God's grace I repented of that ugly self-centered life and His sanctifying work was something I had to understand and know that it will continue the rest of my days here. This was so freeing and motivating. Life became full of joy in Him even in the midst trials.
God is the one who made us, who calls us His own, who loves us, who is unchangeable in His being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth. Our name is written on His hands? Even my name? Yes for our identity is in Christ. We are clothed in His righteousness. We, the Church, are His bride. The gratitude toward God for these truths was overwhelming. That little flame of focus on these truths and others began to grow and grow under the preached Word. That desire to worship Him became stronger and stronger until...here it is...I wanted to milk every drop of blessed delight that is truly found in the whole Lord's day.
I had to learn how to worship properly according to His Word, reverently for His glory, and in thankfulness to Him for what He has done in Christ. Even in those darkest days His sovereign hand was always there. He is our patient, loving, heavenly Father. He is all-knowing, all-seeing, and all-powerful. That is a comfort to me. He does not turn away those who truly repent. He delights in our worship.
The whole focus of the Lord's Day changed. The Lord's day was now something to anticipate. It is a foretaste of our life to come. Even in the most deepest, darkest, wretched place in our lives there is always hope for those who call on Him. Look to the scriptures and see the accounts of WHO Jesus saved. It is eye-opening and hopeful for sinners like you and me and to think we are in the body of Christ with them...praise God. The simple truth of the gospel is Jesus came to save wretched, undeserving sinners like you and me. God is so merciful and good!
Today here in Tulsa, we find that delight in worship even in our humble li'l storefront. Some day I hope to sit down and write our story here. It may be pretty humble conditions facility-wise but oh the fellowship and worship in Christ here can be so sweet. It is the body of believers under the headship of Christ that make the church and not the building. Maybe some day we will have another facility. Till then we have figured out how to make this work for everyone to the best of our ability. There are church buildings all over this area and some are so big and beautiful but sadly they are filled with those who barely hear any pure preaching from the Word of God. That is so sad. Real unity that builds the church does not come from programs or special groups together. It is only His Spirit that unites all of our hearts here and it is the faithful preaching of the Word that feeds us for another week until He comes again. The Word, Sacraments, and Prayer...that's it - that's all we need for the benefit of the whole church body and that is what grows us in His grace. Eyes on Christ, sweet friends and let's all be in the Word! Looking forward to the Lord's Day with you all where ever you gather together!
We have a whole day once a week and Lord willing, unless you can change the calendar it is approaching again. Think about this...is Sunday about me or is it about the Lord? When the Lord renewed my mind towards the correct answer I could only move forward until I wanted to milk every single drop out of gratitude on the Lord's Day. How did that happen?
First, I had to be taught the truth found in His Word. In our American culture today we need to remember that there is no such thing in God's eternal Kingdom as a hashtag Sunday Funday, or a lazy self-serving day, or a High School Senior Sunday photo share (when did that start? I am getting old), or even man-made holidays like Mother's Day that has it's beginnings from a lady in a church, or other traditions that are more important then His day. In the end we are not going to be too satisfied for very long with all of that and you could sadly miss out like I did on the benefits of what this day is really about. I had to ask myself, "What is the purpose of Sunday?" Is it a day off of work? The end of the weekend? A time for doing what I want to do? Oh the riches of God's mercy in my life who pulled me out of a self-made and self-centered downward spiral.
For many years, honestly, Sunday was one of the most miserable days of the week for me. Outside of God's purposes it is just another day to us. And that is coming from a "Grand PK" if that is a thing, for my grandfather was a minister and later my dad. It was tiring, awkward, I usually didn't feel up for it, and I would wake up each Sunday consumed with my self-inflicted miserable situations, and I had to put on my Sunday best and try to be on time so I could practice those awkward social skills so people wouldn't see my shame and misery and I would ask myself, "What am I doing here?" I tried making friends and getting involved with special music, choir, youth group, etc., but that didn't help because sadly that was still all about me. It still meant I had to go back to school the next day or go to work. I was complaining way too much to others about my life. There is little room for praising a Holy God when you are so focused on yourself. It was a day I would try to sleep too much at one point from working three different jobs in a week and I would roll into church half-hearted. In my teen years it was foolishly so I could see my friends and talk about myself too much. It was a day I would stupidly exhaust myself with too much social activity at times trying to meet guys because I was going through that boy crazy stage that looked like a happy solution but really that is a gnat's eyelash from creating a relationship idol for self...ouch. In the end I would not be happy or be motivated for the week to come. Words like joy, peace, patience, goodness, love, were not part of my life and I was reminded each time I came to church. What was I missing?
So I tried to keep up with the ungodly "fun" life along with the external Christian life to no avail. That was fed by the entertainment world. I put more hours into movies and TV and books and magazines (today it is the internet instead) then I was willing to admit. When your social life is lonely you can fill it with a lot of worldly garbage. Today people invest entire days to this. You can see the effects in their lives because it is really hard to communicate in a healthy way. The reason these things are so appealing is because it looks like unity and love and friendship on the screen or in a writing but it is not real. It gives you a false sense of belonging. People actually get attached to a character or an actor's role so much that they talk about them more than reality. That is a strange attachment that affects us and we can become more and more isolated in our strange unsocial world. This is not unity. It is a substitute for the unity we were designed to have with one another in Christ through His Spirit. This life was so bad for me at one point that I was done with any real fun things in life and even with a lot of people in general but that is right where the Lord wanted me. God did not leave me in this state. He pulled me from the pit of despair and set my feet upon the rock as the Psalmist writes. I was His child and when a child of God is moved to cry out to the Lord He rescues them. His promises are yes and Amen. God's truth won...There was clearly someone Holy in my life who called me to Himself that I was now desiring more and more to trust and obey... there was no more getting around that one....It was time to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Him. The joy of the Lord was now my strength.
We who are in Christ are His workmanship alone and are made to worship Him. That is a delight. We have the blessing of real fellowship with one another. We all as one body under the headship of Christ are taught how to live godly lives and are fed by the truths in God's Word alone. If you are living for yourself or in a prison life of fear of man and pleasing others like I was or you are being taught something other than what is found in God's Word, friend, you are in a state of bondage and in need of repentance. I had to repent and to seek the pure truth of who the Lord really is in my life and what Sunday was all about because I realized it was a real relationship with a real Triune God and as a result there was so much more to Christian living. I needed to be in the Church so I could worship with His people. I needed accountability in my life and the sound preaching of the Word. It is through His Spirit that I finally had that joy, peace, patience, goodness, love...
I had to learn every Sunday is the Lord's Day when He calls us to gather to worship Him. In reality, I was using the day for worshiping me. Ugh! Really? Okay that is a tough humbling pill to swallow but it sure went down. What was I doing on the Lord's Day in gratitude that was in obedience to His Word? This began to matter more and more and more.
It is His day and not ours. All over the world His people are gathering for worship from every tongue, tribe, and nation. We worship with those who have gone before us. This means that worship is active today in heaven. That is a beautiful thing to me when I miss those who have gone to be with the Lord. This was an eye-opening, heart filled, amazing, eternal perspective that drew me right out of that lazy painful shameful useless self-focused self-made world and opened my eyes and heart to the unchangeable truths found in His Word. There was no denying it. We who are in Christ look for the day of His return when we will worship together for eternity. Think about that... We gather as HIS people young and old, rich and poor, men and woman, to be under the preached Word, to sing praises to God, to confess our sins, and to seek His forgiveness.
We are to be active on the Lord's Day. It is a day of finding delight in acts of mercy and service to those in need. My final jobs at the Church on the Lord's Day is to make sure the coffee pots are off, to empty the nursery pail, and wipe the two toilets if the little guys miss. We have some pretty humble accommodations and such things are necessary with the number of people we serve. Why would I delight in that? It is not about us, it is about the Lord, His glory, and His people. It is a foretaste of what is yet to come for His people. The Lord knows our deeds.
Six days you shall labor and do all your work but the seventh day belongs to the Lord. This is a command for our good and for His glory. Sunday is a day for His work in and through us. Honestly, the more this pressed on me the more I desired to truly worship and serve. By God's grace I repented of that ugly self-centered life and His sanctifying work was something I had to understand and know that it will continue the rest of my days here. This was so freeing and motivating. Life became full of joy in Him even in the midst trials.
God is the one who made us, who calls us His own, who loves us, who is unchangeable in His being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth. Our name is written on His hands? Even my name? Yes for our identity is in Christ. We are clothed in His righteousness. We, the Church, are His bride. The gratitude toward God for these truths was overwhelming. That little flame of focus on these truths and others began to grow and grow under the preached Word. That desire to worship Him became stronger and stronger until...here it is...I wanted to milk every drop of blessed delight that is truly found in the whole Lord's day.
I had to learn how to worship properly according to His Word, reverently for His glory, and in thankfulness to Him for what He has done in Christ. Even in those darkest days His sovereign hand was always there. He is our patient, loving, heavenly Father. He is all-knowing, all-seeing, and all-powerful. That is a comfort to me. He does not turn away those who truly repent. He delights in our worship.
The whole focus of the Lord's Day changed. The Lord's day was now something to anticipate. It is a foretaste of our life to come. Even in the most deepest, darkest, wretched place in our lives there is always hope for those who call on Him. Look to the scriptures and see the accounts of WHO Jesus saved. It is eye-opening and hopeful for sinners like you and me and to think we are in the body of Christ with them...praise God. The simple truth of the gospel is Jesus came to save wretched, undeserving sinners like you and me. God is so merciful and good!
Today here in Tulsa, we find that delight in worship even in our humble li'l storefront. Some day I hope to sit down and write our story here. It may be pretty humble conditions facility-wise but oh the fellowship and worship in Christ here can be so sweet. It is the body of believers under the headship of Christ that make the church and not the building. Maybe some day we will have another facility. Till then we have figured out how to make this work for everyone to the best of our ability. There are church buildings all over this area and some are so big and beautiful but sadly they are filled with those who barely hear any pure preaching from the Word of God. That is so sad. Real unity that builds the church does not come from programs or special groups together. It is only His Spirit that unites all of our hearts here and it is the faithful preaching of the Word that feeds us for another week until He comes again. The Word, Sacraments, and Prayer...that's it - that's all we need for the benefit of the whole church body and that is what grows us in His grace. Eyes on Christ, sweet friends and let's all be in the Word! Looking forward to the Lord's Day with you all where ever you gather together!
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
To Be Chaste
Titus 2:3-5
3 the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
The passage above is one I have been combing through word for word as I study Paul's words to older Christian women written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. All of these words such as discreet, chaste, homemakers, etc., are for the purpose of training and encouraging younger Christian women in how they who belong to Christ ought to be. It is a comfort to know that the Lord does not leave us to our own understanding in a fallen world. He is the good Shepherd and He guides and equips His people to serve Him for His glory. There is a calm and comfort that comes from His Spirit dwelling in us and this results in a greater desire to obey His Word.
To be chaste - this is twofold in that one can be chaste in refraining from intimacy with another before marriage and being exclusively intimate in marriage. Both are what the Bible teaches us. As Christian women we must desire to keep the marriage bed pure. Our thoughts, words, and behaviors should demonstrate our desire to uphold the vows we take on our wedding day and by God's grace be exclusively our husband's till death do we part. This calls for repentant hearts in our daily marital lives. We should be careful with what we view, read, or discuss when it comes to intimacy. We live in a fallen world that does not encourage purity or exclusiveness in marriage. I would encourage you to take the time to discuss with your spouse how you both can keep the marriage bed pure. Take the time to confess and pray with one another and keep your marriage between the two of you.
To those who are unmarried, simply refraining from acts of intimacy does not mean one's heart is pure. Purity of the heart comes from the grace of God and will manifest itself not just in deed, but also in thought and speech. If you are single, one thing I suggest you do is keep busy by being purposefully busy in godly endeavors. One example of this is to learn to earn what you eat so to speak. Keep in the Word and be under the preached Word. Hold yourself accountable to your time at hand and use it wisely. This will help you establish good personal habits that you will practice in your marriage. Find godly examples of women in a variety of callings to glean from who are putting into practice godly living. Commit to a sound church that preaches the whole counsel of God. This is vital to help hold you accountable and provide the fellowship you seek. Take your desires before the Lord and rest on Him alone. Confess your sins and seek His grace, mercy, and peace. Learn domestic and practical skills now that will help you in your future home. Pray that He will give you the desire to seek that which is pure, lovely, good, and pleasing to Him. Pray for the strength in Him to press on one day at a time knowing that His sovereign plan in your life is for your good and for His glory. By God's grace and His sanctifying work in me, I turned away from a life of a self-centered, ungodly, filthy, lazy downward spiral. It was a life in bondage educated by the world's ways, particularly by the world's entertainment. It became scary and abusive and not at all the fun that the world sells it to be. Do not trade that which God designed for good for friendship with the world. This is either a slow progression or sometimes a fast track to shame, guilt, fear, and hopelessness. Our only hope is in the one who made you, who redeemed you, and who calls you His own. This is the hope found in Christ. This is the sweet grace found in Him. This is where you say "no more" to the ungodly passions that swell in each of our lives. Turn off the sounds and sights of what the world feeds your minds and say no more. Turn to the one who is your Savior.
Recently, in Sunday School I was teaching children on the accounts of those to whom Jesus ministered. Read the gospels and see to whom it is He ministered, to whom He spoke, from whose cup He drank water, who it was that poured the perfume on His feet, and for whom He died. This is where you see the accounts of those who were given freedom from the bondage in which they were, for the healing from the abuse of their past, for freedom from the bitter root that had taken a hold of their hearts, and for cleansing from the pressing, filthy, guilt and shame they woke up with each day. Their Savior is Jesus. The Christ. The Son of God. He knows all things and He loves His sheep.
For me I wanted to be a godly wife and mother. This meant a putting off of the old self and a putting on of the new. How I dressed, how I used my time, how I showed respect to men are just a few things that mattered in my marriage today. God's design for marriage is far more precious, exclusive, personal, and private than the world can understand. Do not find your understanding of intimacy and boundaries of what is evil and what is good from a money making entertainment industry of books, TV, and movies. Find such understanding in the living Word of God today. Press on one thought, one verse, one prayer at a time. God's Spirit will enable you to put to death the deeds of the flesh and live according to His Word. He who called you is faithful and He will surely do it. Understanding the truth found in His Word concerning one flesh will help motivate you to have a proper respect for the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. The two shall become one. This is a beautiful picture of Christ and His church.
His grace is sufficient. His mercies are new every morning. He thoroughly cleanses those who are penitent. Though our sins are as scarlet He makes us as white as snow. He clothes us in His own righteousness through faith for His name's sake and is not ashamed to call us brother (sister). He who began a good work in you will see it to completion. Build up one another especially your husband and practice that which is taught concerning a pure Biblical marriage. Know the blessing of His beautiful design. Remember we older women are to teach that which is good that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
I close with a few verses ...thankful for God's grace...press on sweet ladies press on...Eyes on your Savior Jesus Christ
Titus 2:11-14
11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
3 the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
The passage above is one I have been combing through word for word as I study Paul's words to older Christian women written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. All of these words such as discreet, chaste, homemakers, etc., are for the purpose of training and encouraging younger Christian women in how they who belong to Christ ought to be. It is a comfort to know that the Lord does not leave us to our own understanding in a fallen world. He is the good Shepherd and He guides and equips His people to serve Him for His glory. There is a calm and comfort that comes from His Spirit dwelling in us and this results in a greater desire to obey His Word.
To be chaste - this is twofold in that one can be chaste in refraining from intimacy with another before marriage and being exclusively intimate in marriage. Both are what the Bible teaches us. As Christian women we must desire to keep the marriage bed pure. Our thoughts, words, and behaviors should demonstrate our desire to uphold the vows we take on our wedding day and by God's grace be exclusively our husband's till death do we part. This calls for repentant hearts in our daily marital lives. We should be careful with what we view, read, or discuss when it comes to intimacy. We live in a fallen world that does not encourage purity or exclusiveness in marriage. I would encourage you to take the time to discuss with your spouse how you both can keep the marriage bed pure. Take the time to confess and pray with one another and keep your marriage between the two of you.
To those who are unmarried, simply refraining from acts of intimacy does not mean one's heart is pure. Purity of the heart comes from the grace of God and will manifest itself not just in deed, but also in thought and speech. If you are single, one thing I suggest you do is keep busy by being purposefully busy in godly endeavors. One example of this is to learn to earn what you eat so to speak. Keep in the Word and be under the preached Word. Hold yourself accountable to your time at hand and use it wisely. This will help you establish good personal habits that you will practice in your marriage. Find godly examples of women in a variety of callings to glean from who are putting into practice godly living. Commit to a sound church that preaches the whole counsel of God. This is vital to help hold you accountable and provide the fellowship you seek. Take your desires before the Lord and rest on Him alone. Confess your sins and seek His grace, mercy, and peace. Learn domestic and practical skills now that will help you in your future home. Pray that He will give you the desire to seek that which is pure, lovely, good, and pleasing to Him. Pray for the strength in Him to press on one day at a time knowing that His sovereign plan in your life is for your good and for His glory. By God's grace and His sanctifying work in me, I turned away from a life of a self-centered, ungodly, filthy, lazy downward spiral. It was a life in bondage educated by the world's ways, particularly by the world's entertainment. It became scary and abusive and not at all the fun that the world sells it to be. Do not trade that which God designed for good for friendship with the world. This is either a slow progression or sometimes a fast track to shame, guilt, fear, and hopelessness. Our only hope is in the one who made you, who redeemed you, and who calls you His own. This is the hope found in Christ. This is the sweet grace found in Him. This is where you say "no more" to the ungodly passions that swell in each of our lives. Turn off the sounds and sights of what the world feeds your minds and say no more. Turn to the one who is your Savior.
Recently, in Sunday School I was teaching children on the accounts of those to whom Jesus ministered. Read the gospels and see to whom it is He ministered, to whom He spoke, from whose cup He drank water, who it was that poured the perfume on His feet, and for whom He died. This is where you see the accounts of those who were given freedom from the bondage in which they were, for the healing from the abuse of their past, for freedom from the bitter root that had taken a hold of their hearts, and for cleansing from the pressing, filthy, guilt and shame they woke up with each day. Their Savior is Jesus. The Christ. The Son of God. He knows all things and He loves His sheep.
For me I wanted to be a godly wife and mother. This meant a putting off of the old self and a putting on of the new. How I dressed, how I used my time, how I showed respect to men are just a few things that mattered in my marriage today. God's design for marriage is far more precious, exclusive, personal, and private than the world can understand. Do not find your understanding of intimacy and boundaries of what is evil and what is good from a money making entertainment industry of books, TV, and movies. Find such understanding in the living Word of God today. Press on one thought, one verse, one prayer at a time. God's Spirit will enable you to put to death the deeds of the flesh and live according to His Word. He who called you is faithful and He will surely do it. Understanding the truth found in His Word concerning one flesh will help motivate you to have a proper respect for the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. The two shall become one. This is a beautiful picture of Christ and His church.
His grace is sufficient. His mercies are new every morning. He thoroughly cleanses those who are penitent. Though our sins are as scarlet He makes us as white as snow. He clothes us in His own righteousness through faith for His name's sake and is not ashamed to call us brother (sister). He who began a good work in you will see it to completion. Build up one another especially your husband and practice that which is taught concerning a pure Biblical marriage. Know the blessing of His beautiful design. Remember we older women are to teach that which is good that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
I close with a few verses ...thankful for God's grace...press on sweet ladies press on...Eyes on your Savior Jesus Christ
Titus 2:11-14
11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
Monday, April 24, 2017
To Be Discreet
"...the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things - that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." Titus 2:3-5 (NKJV)
...to be discreet...
In the original Greek the form of this word discreet is only found in 1 Timothy and Titus. We find the form of this word in other ancient writings, for example in the writings of Aristotle. Here in Titus 2 the root is used more than once. Discreet can also be translated as self-control. It is written for both women and men. For the young women it is an adjective which describes her manner as a woman. For men it is in a verb form which means to behave in a self-controlled manner.
God's Word instructs Christian women to be discreet and we are to teach this to the younger women. Being discreet means curbing one's desires and impulses. It is self-controlled and temperate.
A Christian woman who is desiring to be discreet is one who is curbing her desires and impulses. How we dress, how we speak, what we eat, and how we use our free time are just some of the ways a Christian woman testifies that she is seeking to curb her desires and impulses. There are many choices we make each day and we women are to be trained to show self-control. We are called to serve one another, to seek the good of others, and to follow the example of Christ. When we through His Spirit curb our desires and impulses, we become not just hearers of the Word but doers. We live a life of obedience to the one who fashioned us. We are called to be modest, showing care and honor to our bodies. We desire for our tongue to be tamed. We are a sweet aroma to Him in our prayers, offerings, and daily tasks. We live knowing that we are His sheep. We are like lambs in His bosom and we do not want to stray. We must not adopt even the smallest, tastiest morsel of temptation to worldly ways for little by little and day by day it erodes our lives. Those who desire to be discreet are those who can be trusted. A discreet Christian woman is one who has a gentle and quiet spirit. Gentleness is controlled strength. She will show great wisdom and care to men and women and boys and girls in her circles. This will include the needy, the elderly, the wee ones, the ones who have difficulty communicating or functioning on their own, those who are nearing the end of their days, and the one new to faith. It takes great care and godly wisdom to extend a generous, helpful, willing hand to all of Christ's sheep.
Sadly the trends over the past several decades have not trained young women to be discreet. The trends today in some circles are actually isolating women of all ages (even as young as toddlers) by teaching them to be assertive, sassy, wise in their own eyes, prideful, self-indulgent, and disrespectful to the God given authorities in their circles. Young men are sadly being encouraged to support women who choose to behave like this. These women are encouraged to behave like those with adolescent minds and habits, throwing caution to the wind when it comes to decisions, fed with self-indulgent & fleshly desires, having disrespectful, selfish, and independent wills, with loud bashing mouths that have no filter or pause, which is modeled by other self-willed, proud women and preached by 24/7 worldly entertainment rather than God's Word. This behavior in women young and old is not godly. You need to avoid the advice of such women who encourage you to promote this behavior in your home. Do not listen to their ways even if they lace their lives with a knowledge of Scripture and appear happy and at ease. They are double-minded being tossed to and fro in an attempt at balancing Scripture with the worldly trends around them. Are there those in your circles to whom you look who sound godly on the surface but as you get to know them you see they are loud, proud, and complacent? Complacent means "marked by self satisfaction, especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers, or deficiencies." Ladies, please listen up and take a look at what you yourself watch, read, eat, spend your time and thoughts on, and how you use the 24 hours given to you each day. I must warn you that we all will be held accountable for what we choose to do or not do. Trials and pains are for our sanctification and are under a sovereign hand. Trials and pain are not an excuse to ignore sound teaching and godly living. These teachings in Scripture have a global and eternal perspective. Take pause knowing that where you live, when you live, and what the latest trends place no exceptions on Scripture's instructions. God is a God to a thousand generations of those who keep His commandments. Examine your choices today and ask yourself if they are helping you to be discreet as a Christian woman. If you are discouraged and led astray by others like I have been, please repent and take it all before the one who can sanctify you completely for His glory. Those whom He called will be sanctified in His perfect timing and care. Be that woman who has the courage to say no to the world, the flesh, and the devil and is determined to live life as a Christian woman who desires to be discreet.
Self Controlled and Temperate...
A discreet woman is self-controlled and temperate. She displays godly gentleness, wisdom, pause, thought, and care in her actions and words. She is humble and seeks forgiveness when she has not been self-controlled or temperate. Her words are uplifting; her correction is truthful and loving. She takes great care when admonishing others and does so in love for their good for she herself was admonished and knows the benefit of it. She knows the beauty of godly wisdom. She desires less and less the things of the world and knows her duties whether big or small is all for the Lord. He blesses her hands, he sees how she strives to keep her tongue, he sees her seek counsel where needed and how she is not wise in her own eyes, he sees her taking matters to the throne of grace so that her heart is steadfast and her words are careful for those in her care. She perseveres in her work and is not concerned with self-gratification. She does not want to blaspheme the Word of God by being known as a Christian woman who is careless, proud, stubborn, and unruly. She is known by her quiet demeanor, her quiet strength, her testimony of Christ's work in her life, and her humility. She does not speak with a bitter tongue. She prays for her enemies and places her cares in God's hands. She knows that God sees and hears all things. The purpose of her trials is to refine her life like gold. She is one who does not always need to give an answer. She knows when to just say that she is sorry for a situation someone is going through. She knows when to hold her tongue and let others trip on their own tongue. She wisely gives at least a day to emotional matters so she can process and pray. This will help her not to react in the moment and spill her emotions upon whomever would hear. She is aware that she is accountable. She is grateful that she is accountable to Christ. One day she will see Christ face to face when she finishes the race set before her.
To the Christian young ladies who are reading, take great care, press on, and meditate on the Scriptures. Sit under the preached Word. Know your place and show respect to those around you. Wean yourselves from the habits of the day and cast your cares on the one who made you. Have courage and trust Him in the day to day. Cling to Christ and repent of the ways you have not been discreet. Take this all one step at a time. Pray for godly women in your circles from whom you can learn these things. One day your faith will become sight; until then sweet sisters in Christ press on in humility and strength found only in Jesus. Desire that true beauty that is unfading and found within while striving to be discreet.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
To Love Their Children
"...the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things - that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." Titus 2:3-5 (NKJV)
...to love their children...these four simple words have twirled in my everyday thoughts this past year.
Children are the fruit of the womb, a gift from the Lord, and a blessing of His covenant with His people. They are to be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Sons are described as arrows and daughters as lovely pillars. They are like olive shoots around the table. Happy is the man whose quiver is full of them. On and on the scriptures speak of the blessedness of covenant children. Here women are reminded not only to love them but to carry themselves in a productive, good, discreet, and chaste way that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
The Word of God directs us as Christian women. It should be read, memorized, and cherished in your home. Prayer is the means of grace that we women use to communicate to the one who fashioned us and made us. The one who opened each womb and brought forth His children for His glory. We are not left to our own wisdom and strength when it comes to raising a godly seed. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. He knows our frame and remembers we are dust. It is through His tender patience and all knowing wisdom that Christian women are guided each day in the tasks laid before Him.
When there is a feverish brow, a limited pantry, a worry about your future financial state, a move to a new region, a suffering condition, a painful loss, a misunderstanding friend, a spread of falsehoods, or any other disruption to your attempt to press on you go to the throne of grace. Always take the time to pray to the one who knows your thoughts before you even speak.
Godly love for your children includes a foundation in your home that uses the ordinary means of grace. This is prayer, the sacraments, and the Word of God. Catechize your children and read with and to them the scriptures. Teach them the sweet truths of who God is and what He has done for His people. Speak of His eternal mercies and His providential care.
Be a women who confesses and seeks forgiveness. Be one who loves her husband first and who seeks the support of her elders if there is a need. Be a women who honors the Lord's day and delights in it. Foster a delight that is a pattern for your children. Order your week in a way that looks forward to the day of worship.
Be one who seeks to show hospitality and involve your children. Let them know the benefit of serving others and the unity among believers in the church. Look for the simple ways they can show care whether it is a simple task, a picture, a note, or a small token for those in need of comfort and care. Teach them to address others properly and show respect among the body of believers. Teach them to serve without grumbling and prepare them to use their gifts for God's glory.
Be one who brings order and care to each child. Discipline and nurture them. Teach each one and model a heart of obedience to the Lord. Patiently order your thoughts and concerns and speak accordingly. Show grace and seek their forgiveness when you need to confess to them your neglect, your impatience, or your inconsistency.
Love your children with the love of God for He first loved us. We are His children and we all will one day see Christ face to face. We who belong to Him have this eternal hope in glory. Till then the task before us of raising children is a temporary blessed one that brings Him glory. Keep your eyes fixed on Christ as you serve the ones given to you in your home each day. Pray that their hearts would be changed, that their eyes would be fixed on Christ, that they would be not only hearers of the Word but doers, that they would be humble stewards and use their gifts for His glory, that they would love the church and those who are a part of it, that they would understand the Lord's sanctifying work in their life, that they be patient and long suffering, and that they would honor their parents that it may go well with them.
To love our children is to love them in the Lord. Press on each day, quiet your hearts before Him, confess your sins, know His grace, and pray for a gentle and quiet spirit that you may be blessed in your calling as a mother. Our hope is in the Lord. Our great Shepherd of the sheep blesses us and equips us to do that which is good. He is our helper and guide and redeemer. He knows our every need. Find that sweet strength in Him and call on Him each day for His love, mercy, and grace as you love each child in your care. May the Lord bless each of you sweet mothers as you raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
...to love their children...these four simple words have twirled in my everyday thoughts this past year.
Children are the fruit of the womb, a gift from the Lord, and a blessing of His covenant with His people. They are to be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Sons are described as arrows and daughters as lovely pillars. They are like olive shoots around the table. Happy is the man whose quiver is full of them. On and on the scriptures speak of the blessedness of covenant children. Here women are reminded not only to love them but to carry themselves in a productive, good, discreet, and chaste way that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
The Word of God directs us as Christian women. It should be read, memorized, and cherished in your home. Prayer is the means of grace that we women use to communicate to the one who fashioned us and made us. The one who opened each womb and brought forth His children for His glory. We are not left to our own wisdom and strength when it comes to raising a godly seed. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. He knows our frame and remembers we are dust. It is through His tender patience and all knowing wisdom that Christian women are guided each day in the tasks laid before Him.
When there is a feverish brow, a limited pantry, a worry about your future financial state, a move to a new region, a suffering condition, a painful loss, a misunderstanding friend, a spread of falsehoods, or any other disruption to your attempt to press on you go to the throne of grace. Always take the time to pray to the one who knows your thoughts before you even speak.
Godly love for your children includes a foundation in your home that uses the ordinary means of grace. This is prayer, the sacraments, and the Word of God. Catechize your children and read with and to them the scriptures. Teach them the sweet truths of who God is and what He has done for His people. Speak of His eternal mercies and His providential care.
Be a women who confesses and seeks forgiveness. Be one who loves her husband first and who seeks the support of her elders if there is a need. Be a women who honors the Lord's day and delights in it. Foster a delight that is a pattern for your children. Order your week in a way that looks forward to the day of worship.
Be one who seeks to show hospitality and involve your children. Let them know the benefit of serving others and the unity among believers in the church. Look for the simple ways they can show care whether it is a simple task, a picture, a note, or a small token for those in need of comfort and care. Teach them to address others properly and show respect among the body of believers. Teach them to serve without grumbling and prepare them to use their gifts for God's glory.
Be one who brings order and care to each child. Discipline and nurture them. Teach each one and model a heart of obedience to the Lord. Patiently order your thoughts and concerns and speak accordingly. Show grace and seek their forgiveness when you need to confess to them your neglect, your impatience, or your inconsistency.
Love your children with the love of God for He first loved us. We are His children and we all will one day see Christ face to face. We who belong to Him have this eternal hope in glory. Till then the task before us of raising children is a temporary blessed one that brings Him glory. Keep your eyes fixed on Christ as you serve the ones given to you in your home each day. Pray that their hearts would be changed, that their eyes would be fixed on Christ, that they would be not only hearers of the Word but doers, that they would be humble stewards and use their gifts for His glory, that they would love the church and those who are a part of it, that they would understand the Lord's sanctifying work in their life, that they be patient and long suffering, and that they would honor their parents that it may go well with them.
To love our children is to love them in the Lord. Press on each day, quiet your hearts before Him, confess your sins, know His grace, and pray for a gentle and quiet spirit that you may be blessed in your calling as a mother. Our hope is in the Lord. Our great Shepherd of the sheep blesses us and equips us to do that which is good. He is our helper and guide and redeemer. He knows our every need. Find that sweet strength in Him and call on Him each day for His love, mercy, and grace as you love each child in your care. May the Lord bless each of you sweet mothers as you raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Lessons of Love
One of the duties that older Christian women have is to train younger Christian women to love their husbands; Titus 2: 3-4 states, "They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children." (ESV)
When it comes to the topic of loving your husband it comes down to a simple command - love your husband. To put it into godly faithful practice till death do us part is a life-time commitment rooted in Christ. This calls for a knowledge of and an obedience to the teachings found in the Word of God. It calls for an effort on our part that is found in God's strength and not our own. It calls for a prayer-filled life that seeks forgiveness and calls for wisdom and strength. It is a daily effort of putting off of oneself and the practice of serving another. What that looks like is modeled by other godly ladies around you who love their husbands. There is godly advice and there is worldly advice. I am grateful for the examples in my circles whom God used to train me. These are God-fearing Christian women in the church that took me under their wing to guide me as a fellow woman in Christ.
We ladies love a love story don't we? We enjoy photos of newly married couples and it stirs up a desire in our hearts to love and be loved. This is a good thing. If you have a desire to be married some day then now is the time to study further what it means to be a godly wife. Your guidance is found in the Word of God. Christ is your head. The Holy Spirit stirs our hearts for a love of Him and the more we learn of who Christ is and what He has done for us the more we freely submit to Him and serve Him with our whole heart. This is the beautiful foundation that will usher you sweetly into a proper frame of mind for the day when you become a wife. You would do well to make friends with those who are at different stages in life including widows. I learned the most from the older ladies in my circles. If we are going to love honestly and wholly it must be with the foundation of selfless effort rooted in Christ. Be in the circles of those who serve and speak well of their husbands.
When you meet your husband-to-be you will notice a connect in friendship that is different than the rest. You may have some similar interests or a common circle of friends. Taking whatever time to communicate with one another today is helpful for tomorrow. You are two personalities getting to know one another each with your own gifts. Be yourself. You would do best to understand that you will not change him. That is not our purpose. That is between him and the Lord. Whatever concerns you have about him is to be taken before the throne of grace. Who he is is who he is. I and others can testify concerning our respective husbands that the essence of who he is now is still the same man twenty-five years or more later and will be till death do you part. Let me warn you from what I have seen around me that if you do attempt to control and change him in your own wisdom and strength you will only end up with a sad defeated mess of a man and you yourself may be lonely and miserable left craving for his headship and care. Remember we have a supportive role as a suitable helper for our husband under his headship which is under Christ's headship.
Here are some things I have gleaned with a glimpse into our life as husband and wife. Above is a picture of a pile of clothes showing the reality of the everyday of married life. This everyday of marriage kicks in well before you celebrate that first anniversary. You are two people living together day to day. His stuff with your stuff. Where is that stuff going to go and how do we take care of it all? Do we need more stuff and how will we budget it? What is for dinner? Who is making dinner? Who is cleaning up and how? Just some of the things you iron out the first year. It sometimes comes with passion which is a bit amusing. You have a passionate start so don't be surprised when you find yourself passionately arguing one morning on let's just say whether the top button of a dress shirt should be buttoned on the hanger. Yeah, that was a noisy Saturday morning in our first place, but we aren't the only ones who have confessed to this stage and it may feel like your wedded bliss just entered a spiral but it didn't. You will be okay and making up is a bonus. You are trying to learn to live together. Don't let these everyday future conflicts make you overthink or hesitate to marry, just marry and let these matters be part of your growing up together. Conflicts have purpose and I learned more and more to be selfless because of them. My duties, calling, routine, and care are for his benefit and needs and for the glory of God and not my own. God blesses our home and our relationship to one another when we have this humble attitude of selflessness and a desire to obey the Lord.
Married life will involve change. Marriage means that "a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6b). These words are the foundation of your marriage. You will leave and cleave. Hold fast and guard your thoughts and your time with each other. Your first priority is your spouse then family. We have stuck to this as a couple and have been blessed. You will begin a new home where the Lord calls you to go. You may, like us, end up moving several times to different regions over the years. You may learn about new places, meet new people, and be supported in your circles that this is a new adventure and exciting and so forth, but you will face a normal time of homesickness for the familiar. The reality is you are uprooting each time and inside it sometimes unsettles you and calls you to physically leave circles you have invested in as a couple. Marriage is designed to weather these changes. Hold fast to your spouse. Hone in in your home and stick together. Keep your sense of humor and create first memories in each new place that are uniquely yours. Be grateful for the support of others but give priority to your lives as husband and wife during these transitions. We are thankful for doing this ourselves.
Money. Yep, that can be a marriage strainer. But it doesn't have to be if you do one thing...live within your means. That's it. Just do it. Hold each other accountable. I was financially on my own before I was married. It grew me up and I was better prepared to be a wife. This included no sponging on others. I felt the weight of occasional debt, and best of all learned to live within my means. I splurged less, gave more, and became really resourceful. I learned better how to keep a home, I learned how to cook creatively on a budget, how to host by myself and how to handle for a time the lonely life of post college. But every situation is different. Learning to live within my means came to be of much help when my husband entered seminary as a second career and we were raising four young children. If you desire to build a good home then be responsible for your day to day budget. I have been our book keeper for twenty-five years. I do the files, he does the taxes, I tend to do the daily spending while he handles the big purchases and the key part is we keep each other in the loop. We honestly communicate about money and our budget. There have been opportunities for learning along the way with those what were we thinking purchases and those Oh My! I should not food shop on an empty stomach! Working together with our budget taught me how much I could trust my husband financially and how much he himself was willing to learn along the way.
If there is one lesson I learned from those sweet ladies it was to make him your priority. If you find that difficult then check if it's you that is the priority. I know, ouch, but I have seen it too often in myself not to point that one out first. As a mom I slipped into making the kids the priority at times. That may sound okay, but honestly no one is happy in that scenario not even the kids. If it is because you find yourself distant from him then get to know him. That is what I did. If this meant feeding the kids first and having our own stay at home date night later than we did just that. We have favorite food dishes that are just for us.
We have loved spending time together just the two of us. We spent time together before kids, while raising kids, and Lord willing we will look forward to the empty nest years. We know each other quite well and if you hang out with us you will pick up on that rather quickly by how we talk with each other. Recently, we had the movie theater to ourselves for a bit. If you were there you would have caught us laughing and playing I Spy just for the fun of it till the movie started. We have years and years of friendship that keeps rolling along and who we are on the inside doesn't age. The time you spend together will help solidify you two for the long run ahead with all the stresses adult life can bring. If you know each other you will communicate in a way that builds one another up, say just the right thing to break the stress, or know when to say nothing at all. You are more than companions - you are one flesh.
When my husband and I first married we had our plans made and had our goals laid out but I can tell you they did not end up being where we are now. Trust and be willing to go where the Lord leads you. The Lord directs the two of you. He knows where you will be called to live, to serve, to worship, etc. You really are along for the ride. Trust that when those trials and life lessons come your way that the Lord is not wringing his hands. We went through quite a bit and I have touched on that in previous blogs and all I can say is God is sovereign and we survived. Pray with and for one another. Give yourself time to process things before you speak your concerns. When you are tempted to worry let your concerns be made known to each other and create a trust with one another. Mourn when he mourns, but remember that there will be times when he needs to process and grieve in a way that will be different than the way that you process and grieve. He will make mistakes, so forgive often, and keep such times between the two of you. You should be a shoulder for him as much as he is for you. You are his wife, the one that can embrace him in a way no other can offering him respite in a trying world. Be a comfort to him when he is sick. Be a trustworthy help-meet when he needs to process and heal. Take your concerns to the throne of grace and seek wisdom in how to meet his needs. Ask the Lord for strength when you are weary or concerned and pray that you have compassion for your husband. We are either a burden or a blessing to others. We wives should desire to be a blessing. By God's grace you will grow to be more and more Christ-like in what you do and say and over the years you will build a solid relationship that is a beautiful testimony in a darkened world.
My husband like many other husbands we know likes their home to be a haven - a respite. I love to decorate, organize, clean, and straighten the place for him and the children because I love them and I love our home wherever we may be. There is a sense of satisfaction in knowing where things are and being able to enjoy a clean and comfortable home together. My husband and kids have been helpful in pitching in together with various tasks and chores. Our home is for all of us to share. There are my "fingerprints" of interests and decor but more importantly there are also his. I like to blend us in the home. You will see his interests and hobbies as much as mine. It is important to me that my husband does not live in an over flowery pink home. It is his home too and as much as I love my feminine touches that is what they are touches. There are some things we all love like the smell of something baking or the aroma of a dinner simmering. I know my husband's favorite food and his not so favorite. He is not a fan of squash but I am. So I just make a smaller side dish of it for those of us who want it. The extra effort at meal time goes a long way. The simple gesture of lighting candles and plating food now and then makes for a happy table. I learned this by visiting homes of other ladies who knew the benefit and reward of that loving extra effort.
I am thankful for the benefit our kids receive from our love for one another. There is an assurance, a peace, and a comfort for them when I show love to my husband and speak well of him in front of our children and others. Ladies do not bash your husbands. If I find myself bashing mine even in jest I seek his forgiveness. I also do not share my concerns behind his back or want to make him the source of public jest. You will tear your home and family apart if you do these things. Repent of this and seek forgiveness from him and your children and speak what is good and loving instead.
I am thankful for the many ways he models for our kids what it means to be a godly man in the home. He is a hard worker and has a heart for the Lord. Our support and encouragement as wives goes a long way for our husbands. Having a gentle and quiet spirit is a delight in the home for him and the children. I have learned to appreciate more and more what makes my husband a man. I watch him interact with other men, I learned what makes him happy, and I learned what he dislikes. Talk with your spouse and get to know him and be willing to make an effort to be someone he delights to be around. I encourage our sons to look to their dad for guidance and for our daughters to learn how to appreciate godly men for who they are in Christ and not what we women think they should be.
Our marriage is one story of many, shaped by God, and purposed for His glory. May each of you dear sisters in Christ seek the Lord, pray, and press on in all you do. May you be blessed by His immeasurable grace and love as you grow with your husband and be a blessing to each other.
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