The Fruit of Fellowship and Friendship

The fruit of fellowship among those who belong to Christ is a sweet blessing to young and old. Our friendships that grow out of our fellowship with one another is a gift. We should be grateful for the faithful friends in our lives. Out of gratitude we look to the Lord for the wisdom we need to build our friendships and fellowship with one another for the glory of God.

Our family recently took a long road trip halfway across the country to visit our seminary and former church circles. We spent a week visiting many people. The hours of travel on the road gave me some time to think on what I have learned about friendship. At the conference, we were reminded by one of the speakers that God's providence in our lives is the story of our faith. The blessings and trials our family has faced in the ministry life has been a testimony to God's grace as He grew our faith in Him.

I really enjoyed seeing friends again face to face. These are people whom I had been praying for this past year and keeping up with online since moving to our new church plant. Some visits were only a matter of minutes before we both had to move on. Sometimes I was blessed with an hour of sweet fellowship over a cup of coffee or tea. Some of us met together as a group so we could all catch up at once. There were those I only could smile and wave at or grab their hand while passing by.

"This week is going by fast," I would sigh to myself, as I gathered my emotions each day. The thought occurred to me that it is only natural I would want more time, fellowship and opportunities with people because we are united in Christ. My heart was missing those who had already gone before us and were now with the Lord. I looked at those who were aging before me and wondered if this could be good-bye because I only visit once a year. My consolation was knowing that one day we will all be gathered together in eternity with the Lord. That is the reality of our fellowship now and the foretaste of what is to come.

When I first arrived in the seminary community I was brokenhearted from a previous trial. We had what I would call a ministry divorce with a place we loved. There were so many years, memories, and faces involved with that situation that only the Lord could heal me. There were lessons to learn from such a trial, one of them being that gossip and slander do not belong in Christian fellowship.

The Bible states that a gossip separates close friends. Those who gossip willingly are friendship breakers. Those who practice slander are those who willingly tear unity apart for the promotion of self. One who belongs to the body of Christ should bring honor to Christ alone and not themselves. Those who desire to build their own mini-kingdom to self will do so at the expense of the body of believers.

We continue to desire reconciliation knowing it would be a testimony to the gospel of grace. The Lord in the meantime transplanted us to the south where we entered the seminary life. We were licking our own wounds only to enter a small struggling church that was seeking its own reconciliation.

We watched this small hurting group flourish. There wasn't a desire for gossip, slander, or self-promotion. We all were under the preached Word, praying for one another and promoting godly fellowship. We built a trust with one another and loved each other in the Lord. While on our trip we visited this church and the tables were overflowing with people in the fellowship hall during the church luncheon. We were so encouraged to be a part of the continued fellowship with one another.

For all of us, friendship is meant to be unifying. It is not for selfish gain. We either are ones who give or ones who take. When any two people selflessly give, it promotes a beneficial relationship. If you are only in it for the taking you will risk withering your friendships.

When your friendship spreads to others it is a sign of a godly heart. 1 Corinthians 13 defines the godly love we should be promoting with one another. Love is not rude, selfish or proud. It is not envious. We should be willing to forgive and to speak well of one another even when someone is not present. We should not be speaking words of flattery for gain of approval with one another, but true words that build one another up in the Lord. Friendship and fellowship flourish when we desire unity in the Lord and obey His commands.

Our children have thrived even amidst the storms in life. He cares for us. Our trials in friendship and ministry life have taught us to look to Him for the grace and mercy He freely gives. We have learned the importance of honesty, serving one another, loving one another, forgiving one another and persevering. We love the church body and enjoy opportunities to reconnect, catch up online or visit face to face. Friendship and fellowship begin in our home and the fruit of it spreads to others.

Your friendship circles should be growing and melding with one another over time. You should be speaking kindly of your friends and they should trust you not to gossip or slander anyone. You should take great care to not isolate yourself to a few selfish acquaintances or a specific clique. This is not fellowship but an indicator of self-love. If you have been hurt by others, take great care not to isolate yourself and grow bitter, but learn the lessons from it and heal in the Lord. Confess the areas you need to repent in and find ways to use your time and gifts for others.

True fellowship and friendship is a light of God's grace in a darkened world. It is a gift given to you that you return to others in gratitude. Teach your children to love others from a heart that serves the Lord. Teach them to choose friends wisely and how to handle conflicts well.

New friendships blossom each year. We have friends that we have been blessed with for many years. These are the friends that know you best. They are the iron that sharpens iron, the ones that you had to forgive and still love and they have had to forgive you in return, the ones you can advise and be counseled by. Treasure those in your circles like this and pray for your friendship to be honoring to the Lord. There are those relationships that are just budding. It takes time to get to know one another. You wisely do not share everything about yourself to someone all at once. You meet and take the opportunity to find common interests. You ask friendly questions to get to know one another and be sure to ask how they are doing. You build this friendship over time as they gradually open up to you and you the same. Trust is always a factor in friendship and is earned over time.

I am so thankful for the Lord healing my heart and teaching me throughout the years what love, friendship and fellowship really is in the Lord. I close with a verse that is on my refrigerator that I am currently memorizing...

^"8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. ⁹ Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. ¹⁰ For

“Whoever desires to love life
    and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
    and his lips from speaking deceit;"

peaceful process of purging

The Christmas decorations are being stored away and I am left with a home that needs a cheery uplift for the next several weeks of winter. It is time for a good dusting and clean-up before I pull out some light decor to brighten the home.

Adding a little color helps to brighten the rooms before spring. This is when I have the annual "urge to purge." With limited closet space, I have to decide how much we need and what can be given to others.

We have kept the very sentimental items over the years. Also, I store away toys and books that we can pull out to use when hosting other little ones. We also have kept some of our "younger" toys for our future grandchildren to use someday.

I keep in mind that each child in our home has different interests. They collect and keep items that are special to them. I teach each child how to care for his or her toys and things properly. They learn to put their belongings away in an orderly manner.  This habit takes time and practice to develop. All our kids' rooms go through times of order and disorder. When their room looks like it has reached the "point of no return," we go in and we restore order. Currently, we are going through files and papers in our own room which also happens to be my husband's office area. Needless to say, it isn't too pretty right now, but it will get done.

While the kids were young, I would prefer to work with them rather than purge for them. Each child separates their things into piles: trash, recycle, give-away, things to keep, items for their memory box, and tiny treasures that are kept in a special box and put away. We included the "maybe pile" if they were not sure what to do with an item so they could think about it later. This keeps the process of organizing moving.

This is not a fast project. The room is going to look worse before it looks better. As much as I would like to haul in the garbage bags and  just "get it done," I know that that this not a good attitude towards my children and their things. I only have to look at my own closet of things or room to remember how easily things get disorderly. Would I want someone to come in and haul away my own belongings for me?

After the items are sorted, the trash and recycling are taken out, our giveaway bags are in the car, and the memory and treasure boxes are put away, we give the closet floor a good cleaning. Then comes the task of putting our items away in an orderly manner. We use our storage bins, hangers, shelves,  and racks in a way that makes sense. Items we rarely use go on the highest shelves. The clothes are carefully hung by type of garment. Seasonal clothes are sorted and stored away for later.
Items played with the most should be in bins where children can reach them, clean them up, and store them easily. Children need a system where they put their dirty laundry and where they put their clean clothes. My children work with me during this process so they learn where to put their things away. It is important to teach our kids how to sort, clean, and store items properly so one day, Lord willing, they know how to manage their own home.

My teenage girls have learned how to organize their closets after years of trial and error. Belts, purses, and shoes are placed in an orderly manner. They have learned that the floor of a closet can easily become a disaster if they don't keep track of what they have. I taught them that they should only keep what they really use and be sure to pass on to others what they don't use. Each of us at home has one closet area for our things. That is all we really need. We teach our children to shop wisely and be grateful for the gifts they receive.

Over-shopping for the sake of shopping (which can lead to hoarding) needs to be addressed right at the heart of the matter. Overindulgence in our things can be a sad indicator of self-love. This will burden your budget and your whole family more than you may realize. For me, shopping over the years became more of a happy careful selection instead of a careless emotional fix. Carefully focusing on the details of our home budget and remembering the real needs for myself and our family helped me to separate any emotional attachment to shopping.

Even on a budget, some of you may need to organize to see, like I did, the realities of our many "weekly small bargain purchases" that are needlessly filling our closets and drawers. See it for what it is, confess it, and then clean it out.

Ladies, our true comfort is found only in Christ. If you are emotionally burdened, depressed, or burned-out do NOT go shopping to comfort yourself. Take the time to read His word and pray. Confess the habits you may have formed over the years and have those you love hold you accountable to forming better habits of spending and caring for your home. He will give you the wisdom, grace, and willingness to manage your home in a way that will be a blessing to you and your family.

The benefits of organizing are many. It is well worth the time and effort. You learn what you are sentimentally attached to and carefully put away what you would like to pass on to your children. Sometimes you find something you were looking for. Our children will play with a set of toys that they haven't played with for awhile. We take the time to reminisce about someone special who gave us a particular gift. We put items in a place that will be easier to remember where they are. Happily, we create a wish-list of what we really need. The reward is counting your blessings for what the Lord has provided for you and remembering to care for all that He has given to you.

When you willingly give to others you will not out-give the Lord. Often we have had something come to us in return that we really needed. He knows our hearts. He helps us to be willing to work in our homes in a way that blesses each other.

We are a family striving to help one another live together at home in a way that is beneficial to all of us. We strive to respect each others' things. We ask before we borrow and we are expected to return it. We need to lend willingly, and we should trust one another and treat one another's items with care. We save for what we want and we give to others what we don't need. This is a simple way to keep promoting godly unity in your home and help to build a haven for all of you. By God's grace, we strive for our home to be an orderly, peaceful place that is blessed by the Lord and reflects a heart of gratitude and contentment.

busy and blessed

This season is a busy time. But we moms know that for us, every day is busy. Many times we are tempted to complain about the business. God commands us in His Word to be busy and industrious at home, so being busy is a noble thing and He will bless us for it. But we need to do our daily work cheerfully, carefully, and willingly. We need to be careful not to cram too much in one day or work with a selfish attitude. This will make you miserable. If you have reached the tipping point and need to calm down, take a breath and refocus, here is some simple and encouraging advice from a seasoned busy mom to all you weary hardworking mothers:

1. Love him! First item on the list is to put your husband at the top of the list. Not you. Him. You are glued or better stated cleaved, blessed, and intimately connected whether you feel like it or not. Your goal is to be a blessing to him. This takes much prayer and thought, since none of our husbands are without flaws. The Lord knows you need him and He blessed you with him. Show him love daily. Speak kindly to him and about him. Be with him - you know what I am saying here, ladies. As my husband put it, men are simple. I counsel friends over tea that there are three things men need: good love, good food and good work. You just focus on the first two and pray for the third.  This effort will not go unnoticed. Over time, with much prayer, grace and effort you will both help to build a foundation for your home that will carry you through the busy days ahead - and just a bit more focused on your tasks. 

2. Go outside! We make sure our family stops our schedules when the stress levels begin to rise and spend some time outside. We detach from the electronics and breathe fresh air. We walk, run, play and take photos to unwind. Sometimes we just hang out, enjoying each others' company and say nothing. This is good. This is family time.

3. Play! Have family moments that are just for you and your family. We have a sense of humor in our home and if that is wearing thin than we know that the stress levels have tipped too far. We stop our day and refocus instead of plowing ahead.

4. Bake something! Bake something they like and eat it fresh out of the oven. That is what we do at home. We sometimes break up the week with something sweet.

5. Go stare at the sky! Just look at the stars and the sunrises or sunsets and thank God for the many things he has done for you. Step away from the computer and just go to your window or your porch and pray. Building a heart of gratitude takes time and prayer.

6. Check up on your kids! Each of them. How are they doing? Cuddle, listen, tuck them in (even the teens!) pray for them and with them and help them to unwind.  This is a good use of time.

 

7. Talk! Talk about anything and listen well. Stop the day, not to watch a movie, but to communicate together whether it be around a fire, or a table of snacks, or sprawled on the bed. Open the word of God together and soak it in. Cast your cares on the Lord and pray together. Share what you are thankful for each day. We end everyday with hugs and kisses all around. Show the love of Christ by being busy daily for your family's good and know when to be still and know that He is God.


"Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" (Psalm 119:105 NKJV).

Comfort and Joy

I love the season that begins before Thanksgiving and runs through the New Year. It is one of beauty and delight. My family loves the decor, food, and traditions that we plan and prepare each year. The result is a peaceful holiday season full of comfort and joy.

This is the messiest time for my kitchen and I don't mind at all. Eventually, the flour, sugar, and cookie sprinkles will be found and wiped up. It doesn't matter because this is a happy place for our family to spend time together. Our kitchen comes alive with stories, laughter, practical jokes and music with the whir of the mixer in the background. As a result, cookie tins are filled according to my family's annual "cookie wish list" posted on the refrigerator.

Our holiday meals will be well-planned. As the season progresses, the pantry is adorned with canned pumpkin, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, and other holiday foods that we gathered ahead of time when they were on sale. The cookie supplies are all organized and the refrigerator is stocked up with butter. We enjoy eggnog or cider now and then and try to add something extra to our everyday meals.

The children are "hired" for extra chores around the home in anticipation of decorating. Leaves need to be raked, gardens and flower beds taken care of, and extra dusting and wiping for what I call the "cobweb" season in the fall. It seems that the spiders like to come indoors if they can.

We use an index card for each child to keep track of their hired chores. The cards include the type of chore, the date it was done, and the amount credited to their "account". The money they earn is used to buy small gifts to give to one another at Christmas. They have always enjoyed having a sibling gift exchange and can tell you what each of them gave each other throughout the years. They also buy a little something for Mom and Dad to open on Christmas morning before they open their own gifts.

This is a win-win for me. Even when they were very young, my children could wipe baseboards well, especially if they were earning a little something for it. As a result my house stays in better order while we happily shop for gifts, bake goodies, and entertain others throughout the weeks.

I love to decorate with what is in season. There is something cheerful about candy canes and tiny oranges this time of year. I love having a bowl of nuts we can crack open and enjoy. Aren't seasonal foods all the more delightful when you look forward to them during the rest of the year?

We have a little wooden train I bought years ago that has been a part of a simple tradition in our home. Whether our children were toddlers or teens this tradition was a delight each year. Each of the doors open to hide a little something while counting down till Christmas.

Since I have several children and a limited budget I came up with an idea. Each day I would tuck a tiny poem or riddle into the little numbered door.  This was a clue to where a small treat was hidden in our home. We would post a schedule on our refrigerator that reminded us whose turn it was to read the poem or riddle out loud and then try to find the treat for all the siblings to share.

Each daily item was wrapped like a little present. Some examples of treats are a pack of gum, packets of hot chocolate, or fruit snacks. We also did little bags of candies, snack bars, Rice Krispie treats or even a couple of quarters. It didn't matter what it was, really. They loved playing what we fondly called "the countdown train." We even found a train whistle. My husband would blow it loudly in the evening and children would dash to the living room yelling, "Train, train, train!"

Our pets look forward to curling up under the tree or, as shown in the photo above, enjoying the electric "blanket" of lights and fake snow. We love to joke about how those poor tiny villagers in those little ceramic houses have to wake up to the mighty sleeping beast in their town.

On Christmas Eve we have cheese fondue together. We love the aroma of the melted cheesey goodness. At our table, if you drop your food into the fondue pot you have to kiss the person on your left. Our conversation is lively and our sense of humor abounds. This is a rather inexpensive meal if you use cheddar cheese as your base.

Memories always adorn the holidays. My grandmother's candle snuffer is one of the few things I have from days gone by. We sometimes hear certain songs, taste certain foods and remember stories that tug at our heartstrings. We miss those who are no longer with us. We give thanks to God for those friends and family who were so dear to us. We carry on their traditions that mean something special to us and pass it along to our own families. Our homes during the holiday season should reflect our grateful hearts.

During this season of harvest and celebration, look for ways to open your hearts and homes to others. The holidays are a wonderful time to comfort and cheer up those around us. I encourage my children to do the same for one another. For example, one morning our girls woke us up to a tree-lit, beautiful breakfast. It truly is the thought that counts when planning something special for one another. All of us can find warmth during the dark days of winter with mutual love and kindness. For me, a little buttery, sugary goodness helps, too!

"O give us homes with godly fathers, mothers, who always place their hope and trust in him; whose tender patience turmoil never bothers, whose calm and courage trouble cannot dim: a home where each finds joy in serving others, and love still shines, tho' days be dark and grim." - A Christian Home by Barbara B. Hart

In Plenty and in Want

The Bible states that the earth is the Lord's and everything in it. He is our great and glorious provider. We all should be grateful for the food that is before us daily. The routine tasks of shopping, preparing, planning, and cooking can sometimes weary us and our sense of gratitude for our daily bread.

Many of us vowed before our beloved on our wedding day the words "in plenty and in want." It is assumed that at some point in our marriages we will experience the want. There are blessings and lessons that come when we experience the lean times.

It is hard to imagine not wanting rich plentiful daily foods, to eat until ones heart is content, and not to worry about tomorrow. Having an abundance seems to be the more logical blessed state.

We certainly have enjoyed times when there was bounty and plenty to share. There came a time when our budget became so tight year after year as my dear husband studied and worked his way through seminary. We also discovered food allergies at the time that had us readjust much of my usual meal plans. I was learning new flour combinations and the basics of baking all over again. We made sure our children had the first helpings and divided what was left. Many times those years I lived on their leftovers or skipped lunches so there would be enough for our children. What was the blessing in that? What did the Lord do that was so amazing? He taught me the wonderful lesson of contentment. He taught me to trust Him and to desire daily bread and not more than that.

We learned to appreciate the seasons when certain foods were plentiful and cheaper. We stocked, saved, and savored food a lot more than before. We saved up for meals for special holidays and always enjoyed the Lord's Day with something more special than the usual rice and beans.

While talking about contentment, I asked my teen a hypothetical question: if I gave her a bunch of strawberries every day week after week that was more than she could eat, how much would she appreciate them? Then I asked her what if she hadn't had them for a long time and I lovingly placed some on her plate as a surprise, then what would her reaction be? The Lord opens His hand to us in His wise and loving way. If we struggle with gluttony, fretting about tomorrow, or maybe ingratitude for the rice and beans before us He will deal with His children in His most wisest and loving way.

There are wonderful resources for families to use for meal planning, budgeting, shopping for the best prices, etc. I could have blogged all sorts of tips and tricks, but the heart of the matter remains.

Are you grateful for the times of want as well as the times of plenty? Do you lay before the Lord the attitudes and habits you have formed with food? Do you take more than you should?

Dear ones take the time to plan meals well with whatever He has given you. It is the same Lord who cared for the widow and fed the prophet Elijah with the ravens. He knows our every need. Do not despair when the times are lean.

Know the Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He gives us all things from His wise and loving hand. Let us yearn for grateful hearts this season and give to our dear ones in need. One can not out give the Lord. He blesses abundantly even in our times of want. He teaches you and me to depend on Him and be good stewards with the means He provides.

He has taught me how to make food stretch, the joys of hosting with what I have, and humbly being blessed by others in return. He has satisfied me with a hot cup of tea till the next meal. Food tastes better when love and gratitude are alongside it. My desire is for you to know the same sweet contentment found only in the Lord.

Manners Matter

This week we had a moment for my daughters that they will not forget. We had been invited to a special luncheon in a historic hotel downtown near where we live. We had the opportunity to meet our governor. My younger daughter was awed by the beauty of the building, the detail and decor along with the specialness of it all. This prompted me to touch on the topic of raising our children to have good manners. To sum it up, manners matter wherever you are and will help you to be a blessing to others as you put into practice putting others before yourself.

How we dress for different occasions matter. We take the time to consider our outfits. Are they appropriate for the event we will be attending? Are we modest and tasteful in our attire? Children should be clean and presentable which takes some planning ahead. 

People who know me know my purse is always "event ready" with mints, a mini-lint roller, plenty of tissues, lipstick, a small brush, chap stick for the kids, a pen and small pad of paper, to name a few items. We make sure we have had a snack before attending a function so we are not tempted to over-indulge. 

Most importantly, we prepare the kids with what I call "the speech." Our "speech" takes place as we pull into a driveway or parking lot and consists of what we expect from everyone while we attend a function. Reminders like no running, use inside voices, be sure to say hello and thank you as needed, remember to answer people's questions politely, are just a few examples. Anyone four and older is in training when it comes to manners in our home. Those younger than four are learning to sit quietly and still.

We practice formal meals at home. This helps us when we attend formal gatherings such as weddings, conferences, church functions, or fancier dinners as guests in other people's homes. We light candles, set the table a little fancier, and have a practice run with our manners.

Napkins go in our laps. Food is cut properly, chewed properly, and passed to one another properly (well, we try!). Butter is to go from the butter plate to your plate and then onto your food rather than using the butter knife directly. Children are taught to take portions that divide the food for all rather than taking more than they should. They are to ask if anyone would like some more of a particular food before dishing the last portion for themselves.

We practice proper table talk. No rude noises, loud behavior, or inappropriate conversation is allowed at the table. This helps our kids practice to be good guests in other homes. They are expected to remain at the table till excused. No one is to eat and then get up before everyone else is done. The children know that dessert can begin to be eaten after the hostess is served. These are just some of the many habits we have formed over the years when practicing a more formal meal together. Our children have been complimented in other homes, restaurants, and formal functions for their manners and behavior. These habits do not go unnoticed.

We teach our children to be thankful to hostesses. Depending on the event we will bring a small gift as a thank you. I have our children help me pick out or put together items for hostesses depending on the occasion. Many times we bring something to contribute to the dinner and ask ahead of time for suggestions. Thank you gifts, thank you notes, and expressing verbal thanks to hostesses are important forms of gratitude to teach our children. We should express gratitude for those who host us.

We have had many opportunities to host in our home. The children have learned how to make guests feel welcome. Greeting guests at the door, taking coats, showing them our place, offering drinks, and making casual conversation are all part of the routine for our children when entertaining others.

We remind our kids as the hour approaches to host what we need to have ready to help us make it a pleasant gathering. We work together as a family to make our times of hospitality a haven and respite for those who come to our home. We have special guest towels and hand soap in the bathroom, we light scented candles, and provide treats to help make our hospitality special.

We often eat buffet style at our church functions. It is important that our children learn how to wait in line, to say please and thank you as needed, and especially to take only what they will eat to help make sure there will be enough food for all.

Dessert tables are always a table of temptation for children to indulge. We expect our children to ask us how many dessert items they may have and to take only that amount. This is being considerate to others so that everyone may have some dessert. If we take more food than we should we are actually taking someone's portion. Friends, let us remember to consider others if we are tempted to overeat at a group gathering.

Our children have learned at an early age how to sit quietly. We practice during family devotions each week sitting around the table after dinner hearing God's Word and praying together. Young children will learn with practice how to sit. If they can sit through a TV show or a movie they can sit through a meeting. It is important to teach our children how to behave in settings where they are not being entertained.

                                                                                                                                                               

We visit the library weekly. This is a good environment to practice being quiet in public. This has helped us practice how to behave in stores and other public places. We do not run freely, yell, or touch everything we see. We stand well in checkout lines and are expected to wait. This takes consistent reinforcement of what you expect and praise when good behavior is being displayed. Children who are attempting to show proper behavior will be noticed and complimented by others. It makes them feel good to know that other adults notice. 

Playgrounds are a great place to practice playing nicely with others. Waiting in line for the slide, taking turns on the swings, sharing a toy they brought with others, introducing themselves to other children, and being a help to another child are all ways this environment has helped our children practice good manners.

I was proud of my two teens this week. The practice of manners at home, around the dinner table, in public functions with people of all ages over the years benefited them as they sat in a room full of officials and adults of all backgrounds along with our mayor, first lady, and governor. The girls dressed appropriately, carried themselves with poise. and spoke well in conversation when spoken to. They were the youngest in the room but behaved as fine mannerly young women.

We should begin early to raise our children with proper manners and social graces. Children showing self-control and good manners are a blessing to others. It is a delight to see young men and women today who show self-respect, manners, and social graces in adult settings. Manners matter no matter how old we are. Let us be considerate and a blessing to others as we practice manners and persevere to raise our children well for His glory.

"Even a child is known by his deeds, whether what he does is pure and right"(Proverbs 20:11  NKJV).